


You Do, Too

by Lady_Felucia



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo - Freeform, Coming Out, Crushes, Cute Kids, Domestic Fluff, Family Fluff, Father-Daughter Relationship, First Dates, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gay, Gay Male Character, I Ship It, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Kylux - Freeform, M/M, Romantic Fluff, Self-Acceptance, Soft Kylux, Star Wars - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-23
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2020-12-17 02:16:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21046661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Felucia/pseuds/Lady_Felucia
Summary: Ben Solo's life just doesn't seem to be taking any turns for the better, as of late.Ben has many good qualities; he's hardworking, he's good-looking, he has a good job and he's a proud, loving father to two beautiful daughters.He's also coming up on his fourth year of being divorced, his job keeps him working long hours and unable to spend as much time as he'd like with his kids, and no matter how hard he tries, he can't seem to break through the cold walls that his oldest daughter puts up around him.And the most difficult thing of all; Ben has a secret. One that he's kept from his girls, out of uncertainty, and out of fear. One that he'd been keeping from HIMSELF, for the longest time, for the same reasons.Things seem hopeless, until the arrival of a charming, charismatic babysitter throws Ben's life into a tizzy, forcing him finally face things that he's kept long repressed, and helping him to fully understand the importance of honesty, and trust ...... and love.





	1. Chapter 1

Ben Solo trotted wearily up the steps of his apartment building, hoping that he had been sufficient in scraping the excess mud off of his boots before he’d taken the first step. The landlord was generally a sweet old lady, but could be really uptight about anything that was dirty or unkempt.  
  
Ben sighed; he didn’t know whether it was his imagination not, but it seemed like ever since he had turned 35 this year, he had had more and more difficulty walking up these steps. It could just be that he was always tired; Ben worked 40 hours a week at a landscaping firm, and was more often than not wiped out when he came home. But a little voice in Ben’s mind kept insisting that his troubles had nothing to do with being tired, and everything to do with being old.  
  
Not that 35 was generally considered “old”, exactly.

But still.  
  
He paused when he got to this door, smiling. From beyond the wood he could hear the sounds of his daughters, Mara and Padme (called Paddie for short) laughing together, playing some game. He stood there for longer than seemed normal, in order to enjoy those sounds, because once he walked in the house, he knew that Mara would completely freeze up. She would be polite, and say hello, but after he had done his usual inquiries about their days, she would find some excuse to go into her room, staying there until dinner, and then return to it immediately afterwards.  
  
Ben’s relationship with his older daughter hadn’t always been so strained.  
  
But life had changed for the Solo clan after Ben and the girls’ mother, Rey, had gotten divorced several years ago. It was an amicable split, and a necessary one, but Mara made it clear on multiple occasions that she missed having their entire family together as one unit, and still wasn’t very accepting of their new living arrangements (with the girls primarily living with their mom, with Ben getting them every other weekend, and on some holidays).  
  
This summer was different, though. Rey was an artist that often sold or had her pieces on display at the local museum. She also worked there part-time as a tour guide. Recently one of her pieces had caught the attention of a visiting museum curator from France, and he had offered to take her, along with several other local artists, to his gallery in Paris. Everything would be paid for, and those going would have the chance to showcase their art, as well as be a part of a two week long show that specifically showcased artists from other countries. She would be gone from late June until mid-August, returning right before the girls would be starting school again. Ben had of course immediately volunteered to keep his daughters all summer, to which Rey was grateful.  
  
“You’re so sweet,” she’d said, kissing his cheek. “But are you sure you can handle them that long?”  
  
Ben had nodded confidently. “Of course. Mara’s old enough to babysit Paddie while I’m at work, but once I’m home, we’ll have so much fun. I’ve got games, and movies, and I’ll make sure they eat and bathe and that we go places and stuff. So don’t worry, okay?”  
  
And for the most part, Ben had been true to his word. He regularly cooked them meals (although most times his girls weren’t the biggest fans of what he concocted), and when he was off, he took them to the park, the zoo, the movies, the library, anything he could think of that they might enjoy doing with him. PADDIE seemed to be having a ball, but no matter what he did, Mara remained mostly closed-off to Ben, and his attempts to get closer to her.  
  
And that may have had something to do with the timing of the divorce.  
  
Mara had been 10 years old, and as smart as a whip. She understood the gravity of the situation, and what splitting up would mean for their family. She also knew, from listening to late-night conversations between her parents, that the divorce had been suggested and initiated by Ben, not Rey; and she seemed to hold a grudge against her dad, for that, one that she carried all the way to 14 years old.  
  
But Paddie’s situation was a bit different; she had just barely turned 2 when her parents divorced, and therefore didn’t have any memory of a two-parent household, the way Mara did. She had grown up with the idea that visiting one’s dad on the weekends was normal. She harbored none of the anger that her older sister had towards their father, in fact being very much a daddy’s girl. She was 6 now, and the sweetest thing that Ben could possibly ask for.  
  
Now, Ben stopped listening outside the door and dug his key out of his pocket, putting it in the rickety old lock and turning it, before stepping inside.  
  
“Daddy!!” Paddie shrieked immediately, running at her dad and pouncing on his legs. Ben quickly set down his dusty lunch bag before swinging Paddie up into his arms, kissing her small freckled face.  
  
“Hi, baby,”, he said, squeezing her. “I missed you!”  
  
She scrambled down from his arms and ran to the living room table, grabbing a piece of paper from it and running back with it.  
  
“Look! I drew this!”  
  
Ben looked; it was a very realistic drawing of several puppies in a basket, with what looked like Paddie and Mara kneeling beside it, petting them. Ben grinned a little; this was Paddie’s way of hinting that she wanted Ben to get a dog. The girls’ couldn’t have one at Rey’s house, as Rey was allergic. Ben had tried to explain multiple times that he _couldn’t_ get a dog, because the landlord didn’t allow pets, but she chose to ignore that little detail.  
  
“This is very good,” was all he said, patting his daughter on the head. “I’ll put this up on the fridge right away!”  
  
The entire time, Mara had been sitting on the couch, looking down at her phone, while Ben was speaking with Paddie. Ben walked over to her, put both hands on her face, and kissed the top of her head. Mara cringed slightly when he did this, which hurt Ben’s feelings; not that he could let this on to Mara.  
  
“I missed you too, beautiful,” he said, as he took Paddie’s drawing to be hanged on the fridge. “How were things today?”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
He walked back into the living room. “Did I get any mail?”  
  
Mara pointed to the end table by the door, where several envelopes were neatly stacked together in front of the vase. Ben went to it and took the pile with him to the couch, sitting down beside Mara to open them. Mara made a little face as he did this, as if the idea of her father sitting beside her caused her pain; and again Ben had to work to conceal his hurt feelings at the cold gesture.  
  
“So what do you lovelies want for dinner tonight?”, Ben asked, as he read through his bills. “I got this recipe for this casserole from a lady at work. I think we have all of the ingredients for it, except peas, but I don’t like peas anyway. It had noodles and carrots and pieces of chicken and--”  
  
“That sounds fine, dad,” Mara interrupted him, standing. “I’ll be reading in my room, okay?”  
  
Before Ben could answer one way or another she had left, shutting her door solidly behind her.  
  
Ben sighed, and once again ran his fingers through Paddie’s hair, as she was leaning against him.  
  
“Paddie … do I smell bad, or something?”, he asked her cautiously, as always trying to find a _logical_ reason as to why Mara seemed to dislike him so.  
  
Paddie put her face against Ben’s sleeve, taking exaggerated sniffs. “You smell like outside.”  
  
Ben sniffed his own arm, frowning. “Is that bad?”  
  
Paddie shook her head. “I like outside! Daddy can we go to the park tomorrow?”  
  
“I can’t go tomorrow, baby, I work. But tomorrow is Friday, and the next day is Saturday, the weekend. How about we go on Saturday?”  
  
“Can we go to the one with the yellow twisty slide?”  
  
“Yep. We can even get ice cream, too.”  
  
“Okay! Saturday!”  
  
“Good. You sit tight in here and watch some cartoons, okay? I’m gonna go start dinner.”  
  
Paddie nodded, taking the remote and flipping to her favorite cartoon channel.  
  
As Ben began dinner, he couldn’t help but stop and admire the forest of drawings that stared at him from his fridge. Although she was young, Paddie had clearly inherited her mother’s artistic talent and creativity.  
  
But what had she, or Mara for that matter, inherited from HIM?  
  
What was BEN talented at, what were HIS enviable qualities?  
  
As Ben was daydreaming, he brought the blade of his knife down on the tip of his finger, causing him to drop the zucchini he was chopping to the floor.  
  
“Shit,” he muttered, turning on the faucet to hold his bleeding fingertip under. “Whatever they get from me, I hope it’s not cooking related.”  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
After dinner, which didn’t turn out as horribly as he’d expected, he asked Paddie to go put on her pajamas, then to choose a movie for them to watch together.  
  
“Do I have to watch too?”, Mara had asked, as she washed the dishes.  
  
“You don’t _have_ to, but I’d really like it if you did, sweetheart.”  
  
Mara bit her lower lip and shook her head. “I’m kinda tired; I think I’m just going to go to bed early, okay?”  
  
Ben had nodded. “Okay.”  
  
He went to her and put his arms around her, squeezing her gently. But hugging her was like hugging a marble statue; she was stiff and unyielding in his arms. He tried to ignore this as he kissed her cheek. “You sleep well, okay? I love you.”  
  
She nodded, then broke out of his arms and went off to her room, once again closing the door behind her. Ben watched her go, sighing to himself. Then he quickly put on a cheery face for Paddie, and went to join her in the living room.  
  
After the movie (she’d been nodding off about halfway through, and by the time the credits rolled she was completely knocked out), he lifted her up and carried her to Mara’s room. He regretted that he only had the one extra bedroom, and that they had to share when they visited him. But they at least each had their own bed, and Ben tucked Paddie into hers, kissing her forehead.  
  
He turned towards Mara and, noticing her covers had slipped down, he gently brought the blanket back up over her shoulders. As he had done with Paddie, he leaned over and kissed her forehead, smoothing back a lock of her dark hair as he did so.  
  
Her hair that was Ben’s hair, copied into her. Unlike Paddie, who was a spitting image of her mother, Mara was like Ben’s female clone. She had his pale skin, his moles, his large dark eyes and dark hair.  
  
And, apparently, the moodiness that HE’D had as a teenager.  
  
He went back into the living room and turned on his tablet, looking over his shoulder to be certain that he’d closed their room door, before logging into the male dating website that he had been (unsuccessfully) using this past year.  
  
This territory was something that was new to Ben, and he was still unsure as to what he truly wanted, and what he needed to be looking for. Ben had known that he had had feelings for guys since middle school, but had always ignored them, thinking that there was just something wrong with him that needed to be fixed.  
  
He’d tried to fix it when he began dating Rey their sophomore year of high school. She was the perfect girl: smart, funny, gorgeous. And dating her, being with her helped Ben to feel as though he belonged. He’d take Rey on dates with mutual friends, and feel inexplicably part of the larger, “normal” picture. The picture and the path that everyone expected him to follow.  
  
So what if he found, more often than not, that he thought of Rey as more a sister or a best friend, than a girlfriend?  
  
So what if, when they had sex, he’d involuntarily start imagining himself doing what they were doing … but with that guy on the football team? Or that guy in the glasses that wrote for the school newspaper?  
  
These were things that could simply be pushed down, and ignored. The point was, Rey loved him, and Ben loved her back. Maybe not in a way that was fully healthy for a _romantic_ relationship, but then again, Ben rationalized, whose relationship WAS entirely healthy?  
  
Fast forward through a lot of years, more dating, college, an engagement, marriage, and two kids later … and Ben knew. He KNEW that he couldn’t keep ignoring his feelings of discontent any longer.  
  
So one Friday, he got his mother to take the girls, and he had spent the weekend talking, crying, and confessing to his wife.  
  
His wife who was more comforting, more understanding and more forgiving than Ben had any right to expect.  
  
And so they’d split.

While Ben knew that he’d made the right decision, that Rey deserved to be with somebody that was fully committed to her in every single way, he couldn’t help but feel like there were still so many things he needed to make better.  
  
His relationship with Mara, for one.  
  
And his fear of reaching out, and dating a man.  
  
But Ben, having repressed his feelings for so long, really had no clue about where to start looking, or how to even initiate something like that. In his personal life, the only people he was “out” to was Rey and his parents. He had never had this talk with his daughters, not even sure where to begin this particular conversation. Would finding out that her father was gay make Mara dislike him even more? Would Paddie be confused by it?  
  
Would either of them still love him?

Would they be proud that he was their father … or disgusted?  
  
A lot to think about.  
  
Rey told him that he needed to be honest with his girls, but that he needed to do so only when he was ready, and not before.  
  
But Ben wasn’t sure he’d ever be ready.  
  
He sighed as he opened his inbox. It was the usual assortment of nude pictures and requests for fast, anonymous hookups.

And Ben didn’t want that.

He wanted somebody who would be willing to take things slow. Somebody that would want to spend time not only with him, but with his daughters as well.

Somebody who —

“Daddy?”

Ben jumped a little; he hadn’t even heard Paddie push open her door, and now she was padding towards him with her little feet.

Ben quickly closed his laptop and stood up to face her.

“What’s wrong, baby?”

“I’m thirsty.”

So Ben scooped her up and headed towards the kitchen, to get her a glass of milk. He would give it to her, tuck her back in, and tell her a quick story, to help her fall back asleep.

The dating website could wait until tomorrow. After all ...

... it wasn’t like he was having any luck with it, anyways.


	2. Chapter 2

There came a time, around 2 weeks into July, that Mara came down with a particularly strong stomach bug. She spent the majority of her time in the bathroom, with Ben trying his best to care for her.  
  
As strange as it was, Ben had to admit to himself that Sick Mara was easier for him to handle than Regular Mara. Sick Mara was gentler, and sweeter, and she put up no objections, visual or otherwise, to Ben being close to her. She even let Ben sit and rub her back for over an hour, after telling him how badly her muscles ached.  
  
Ben could afford to use three days of paid vacation time to stay and take care of her, but after that, he was at a loss for what to do. Mara had gotten well enough to do things on her own, but she tired very easily, and was sluggish. Ben worried that while she slept, or was groggy, Paddie might get into something dangerous. He had already caught her pulling a chair up to the stove, claiming she would make tea for her big sister.

In short, he needed a sitter for them.

Not for long, likely just these next few days, and maybe part of next week. Just long enough for Mara to make a full recovery.

But ...

“I’m fourteen years old, dad!”, Mara said grumpily (a sure sign that she was getting better). “I don’t need a babysitter!”

“Don’t think of it as a babysitter, then. After all, neither of you are babies. Think of it as a temporary adult companion.”

Scowling fiercely (a trait she inherited from her father), she said, “I can look after Paddie just fine. I’m not an invalid.”

“What’s an inlid?”, Paddie asked, from where she was drawing on the couch.

“Never mind. Paddie, you don’t mind someone coming to stay with you guys for a few days, do you?”

“Will they color with me?”

Ben nodded. “Of course. Color, watch tv, and make you food, so that your sister can keep getting her rest and get better.”

Paddie looked back down at her drawing. “I don’t mind. When are they coming?”

“Tomorrow morning. I met with him two day ago; he’s very nice.”

“He?”, Mara asked, raising an eyebrow. “It’s a guy?”

It was. Ben had reached out to his downstairs neighbor and good friend Phasma, asking if she knew anybody that would be up for a temporary sitting gig. Phasma had immediately recommended somebody, a man named Armitage Hux.

“I had him last summer, when I had to work all that overtime one month,” she’d told him, sipping the tea she had made them. “My kids loved him. Oh and you know Mr. Dominick, from apartment 12F? He hired him a few weeks ago, and I heard his kids loved Armitage, too.”

So Ben had gotten his number from Phasma and called him up, asking if he’d meet him for coffee early the next day. 

A slender, pale redhead had shown up, dressed in a hooded sweatshirt and jeans despite it being roasting outside.

“Hi,” Ben said, standing. “You’re Armitage?”  
  
The redhead nodded. “I prefer Hux, actually. You must be Ben. Phasma was telling me about you.”  
  
Ben offered him a seat and, with Hux getting close, Ben immediately noticed how good he smelled. It made him think back to Paddie’s comment about him smelling ‘like outside’, and he hoped he didn’t smell like that now.

The two sat, and Ben ordered them both coffee. After some small talk, Ben dove into the heart of the matter.  
  
“Okay I’m sorry if this sounds offensive, but I need to ask. You’re sane? You’re not like, a serial killer or anything like that?”  
  
Hux chuckled and shook his head. “Nope. I’m 100% sane. Actually I’m a little boring.”

“And you like children?”

Again, Hux nodded. “Yeah. Actually I’m a teacher; I’ve taught pre-K for close to ten years, now. I only do this sitter thing during the summer. So, I have lots of experience with them.”

“Hm. Well if I go off what Phasma told me, kids like you a lot. But do you know stuff like first aid, and CPR?”

“Of course; I’m certified.”

“Okay. Well, if you’re interested, I’d like you to come be with my girls starting tomorrow morning. I leave for work at 7am so you’d probably need to be there a bit earlier, so that I can introduce you.”

Hux smiled and nodded. “Okay. Sounds good. Tell me a little about your girls.”  
  
So Ben told him a little about Mara and Paddie, their ages, things that they liked, and more. He explained about Mara getting over being sick, and how Ben would likely only need Hux for a handful of days.  
  
“It’s probably fair to warn you; Mara thinks she’s too old for a ‘babysitter’ and probably won’t be that nice to you. But for the most part she just stays in her room and reads, so you shouldn’t have a problem there.”  
  
“Mm,” Hux nodded. “I’ve dealt with that before, so don’t worry, I’m sure we’ll get along fine.”

“Paddie’s the one I really want you to be there for. She’s very energetic and can be really hard to keep up with sometimes. Especially if you take her to the park or something like that. That’s really why I need a sitter in the first place; I don’t want Mara trying to run around after her when she needs to be taking it easy. She says she can handle it, but —“  
  
“A bit of a stubborn one, huh?”

Ben nodded, taking another slug of his coffee. “Yeah. She takes after me, unfortunately.”

“Is that a bad thing? Because you seem like a nice guy to me.”

Ben looked up when Hux said that, and found himself looking right into Hux’s deep blue eyes. Piercing eyes, in fact. Ben felt that he had been pulled into a gravitational belt of Hux’s energy, and it was only with extreme effort that he was able to break off the gaze and look away once more.

“Thank you,” Ben said now, awkwardly, in response to Hux’s compliment(?). “Er, anyways, that’s it, I guess. We’ll see you tomorrow morning, then? Around 6, 6:30?”

Hux held out his hand, and it took Ben a few seconds to realize that Hux wanted him to shake it. And it was so soft ... Ben winced, knowing that his own hand was rough and callused from all of his landscaping work.

“I’ll see you then,” Hux told him with a smile; and then he was gone, leaving Ben sitting alone at the table.

The next morning, Hux showed up right on time, again wearing a hooded sweatshirt despite the weather reports announcement that today would be “another scorcher”.

Did he get cold easily? Was that it?

Ben shrugged off the question and welcomed him, nodding for him to sit at the table and help himself to the spread Ben had made for his daughters. 

But before he sat down, Hux went to each of the girls (who were sitting quietly at the table) and shook their hands, introducing himself. Paddie, who was normally still asleep when Ben left in the mornings (but Ben had woken her up early today so she could meet Hux), seemed delighted that Hux had shaken her hand, just as if she were another ‘big person’.

But Mara wasn’t quite as impressed.

Quietly, her voice still slightly raspy from her illness, she asked Hux a series of questions about himself and his qualifications (many of them ones that Ben had already asked himself, and that stung a bit; clearly, Mara didn’t trust Ben’s judgment as much as he wanted her to).

But Hux didn’t seem flustered by it. He answered Mara calmly, carefully, as well as several questions that came from Paddie.

Ben smiled at that; Paddie clearly already liked this guy; likely due in large to the way he treated her. Shaking her hand had left a great impression on her, and Ben noticed that the way he was speaking to her was normal. _Normal_, and not in the condescending or baby-talk voice that many adults tend to use with young children.

Before long, the clock hands had leapt forward to where it was time for Ben to leave.

“Alright,” he said, pulling his lunch bag out of the fridge, “You all have fun today, okay? Hux, my cell number, work number, and in case of real emergencies, my parents numbers are all on this paper,” he said, pointing to a brightly colored slip up on the fridge.”

Ben went and kissed Mara’s head (ignoring her cringe) and Paddie’s. “Be good, kids!”

With Hux reassuring him that everything would be alright, he left, praying on the way down the stairs that things would turn out okay.

— 

Around 4 o’clock that afternoon, Ben’s boss came up to him and asked Ben if he’d mind staying about two hours later than normal.

“I really want to finish up the Casnian project today,” he’d told him, pausing to spit a plug of tobacco on the ground, “So we can start the Andor field tomorrow. I’ve already asked Mike and Fred; I think the 4 of us could knock this out.”

Ben had agreed tentatively, saying that he had to call his sitter first and make sure they were okay with staying late.

Hux had been very receptive to the idea, which relieved Ben. He told Hux to have Mara show him where Ben kept emergency money, and to take some of it and order a pizza for dinner, since Ben wouldn’t be home in time to start cooking.

The extra two hours seemed to go by in a blink, and before Ben knew it he was trodding up the stairs to his apartment again, anxiously wondering to himself how the day went for Hux.

_I know Paddie was nice,_ he thought to himself as he hit the final landing, _But I hope Mara was, too. Well, most likely she just spent all day in her room again._

He reached his door, and turned the key in the lock.  
  
Ben wasn’t sure he’d walked into the right apartment. The place was clean, and the air had such a delicious smell that his mouth was watering. He stepped further in and was met with another unbelievable sight; Mara was _smiling_, out of her room, and appeared to be helping Hux make dinner.  
  
Paddie was there, too; she was standing on a chair at the counter and carefully placing handfuls of sliced apples into a pie mold, while Hux sprinkled cinnamon and sugar over the pieces.  
  
Ben stood watching for a few moments, and then cleared his throat and said “I’m home.”  
  
“Daddy!”, Paddie squealed happily, scrambling down from the chair and rushing to hug her fathers legs. “Daddy come see! Come see! I helped!”  
  
She took his hand and pulled him to the counter. “Hux let me squish the potatoes, and he let me help make the pie!”

“I think you mean ‘mash’, honey; not ‘squish’,” Ben replied with a grin. He took a good look at Hux. In his head were dozens of tiny bows and barrettes, obviously a creation of Paddie’s. His face was slightly flushed from the heat of the kitchen, his sleeves were rolled up, and he was wearing the apron that Ben used when he cooked on the grill.

_Wow,_ Ben thought to himself, unable to help it, _Hux ... he looks really cu —_  
  
“I hope you don’t mind,” Hux said, smiling as he faced Ben. He used a dish towel to wipe his hands, as he continued, “I know you said to order a pizza, but I noticed you have all these fresh ingredients here so we thought, why not make an actual meal?”  
  
“And ... and you girls were okay with this, instead of pizza?”, Ben asked his daughters, somewhat skeptical. It wasn’t like them to turn down junk food.  
  
“It was fun, daddy! Hux says I’m a good helper!”  
  
“You are,” Hux agreed, patting the beaming Paddie’s head. “And so was Mara. In fact this Parmesan-coated chicken recipe was her idea; she basically showed Paddie and me what to do.”  
  
Mara blushed but didn’t say anything, instead peaking in the oven door to check on the chicken’s progress. But Ben was surprised; he had had no idea that cooking was something Mara was good at, or that she enjoyed.  
  
“Mara ... do you like cooking? Because if you do, maybe you and Paddie want to go with me to grocery store this weekend? We can pick out different things for you to make. If you want to, that is.”  
  
“Sure,” she replied; and although she didn’t offer anymore commentary, Ben was pleased that she was smiling at him, instead of her usual closed-off expression.  
  
“Hux,” Ben said, putting his hand on Hux’s arm. “You went to all this trouble; you’re going to stay and eat with us, right?”

“Yeah!”, Paddie said, pulling on Hux’s hand. “You have to stay! I’ll set the table!”

Before anyone could stop her, she was dragging a kitchen chair over to the cabinet and reaching for the dishes. Mara quickly walked over to her and took a stack of plates from her arms. 

“I’ll help you, kid. How about you put out the silverware, okay?”

Paddie ran to the silverware drawer, and Hux smiled. “I guess I have no choice, eh?”

“Nope. You sure don’t,” Ben replied, as he went to wash his hands.


	3. Chapter 3

The next few days passed by smoothly. Ben worked the last two days of the week, with Hux staying with Mara and Paddie, then was off on the weekend.

When Monday rolled around, Ben had Hux come earlier than normal (5am instead of 6) because Ben had a job site to drive to that was a bit farther away.

Both girls were still asleep, and Ben let Hux in, a pot of coffee and some pancakes at the ready.

“You know, you’re really quite a good cook,” Hux told him, as he helped himself to a third pancake. “Mine never come out fluffy like this.”

Ben smiled; Hux complimenting his cooking had him feeling absurdly pleased. 

“It’s only breakfast foods that come out right for me,” he said, pouring himself another cup of coffee. “My dinner foods kinda suck. But I can’t be making them pancakes and French toast and stuff for _every_ meal; Rey would kill me.”

“Rey?”

“Oh, she’s my ex wife, the girls’ mother,” Ben elaborated. He explained how he had come to have his children with him for the entire summer.

“It must be nice for you, to have them so long,” Hux commented.

Ben nodded. “It is. I just wish I could spend more time with them, you know. Especially Paddie; she’s at that age where she needs a lot of time and attention.”

“Well, I wouldn’t worry too much. I mean Paddie is crazy about you, regardless.”

“What makes you say that?”

“She only talks about you non-stop when you’re not here,” Hux told him, smiling. “All day long, it’s ‘my daddy’-this or ‘my daddy’-that. The kid really adores you.”

Ben got up to wash his dish. Not necessarily because he wanted to, but because he could feel how hard he was blushing, from Hux’s comment.

“That’s good to know,” he said after awhile, still turned around. “Paddie isn’t someone I’ll ever have to worry about. But Mara ... let me tell you, Hux, last night I woke up in a cold sweat over her.”

”Why??”

“It hit me hard, last night. I was listening to her tell some story or something to Paddie last night, and I go into their room to say goodnight, and I get a look at her, and oh my God ... she’s growing up. I mean I knew that before but last night it just ... she’s growing, she’s freakin’ gorgeous, she’s smart ... what am I gonna do when some punk comes around trying to DATE her??”

“Isn’t it a little soon to be worried about that?”

“Maybe. I don’t know. I don’t even know if dating is something she’s _interested_ in. God knows she probably wouldn’t tell me if she was. I always figured that when Paddie started caring about someone, she’d probably have it written in the sky. But Mara ... she probably wouldn’t tell me she’s even WITH somebody until an hour before the wedding.”

There was a beat of silence, with Hux neither confirming nor denying Ben’s statement, and then he was saying, thoughtfully,

“Your older daughter is a little bit short with her words. But ... but when she does talk, she almost always blows me away, with how smart she is. I have to ask; is she in advanced classes, in school?”

Ben nodded. “She is. She skipped from 6th grade to 7th after about a week. Always high honor roll, always the top of her classes. Rey told me that this last semester, their class took some kind of reading comprehension test thing, and Mara scored the highest in her grade. Apparently she reads at a 10th grade level.”

“That doesn’t surprise me at all. I asked her what she was reading the other day and she told me The Odyssey.”

“The — what?”

“The Odyssey. A really long book that’s actually part one of two epic poems written by the Greek writer and poet Homer. That’s — I don’t think I got anywhere near The Odyssey until maybe Freshman year of college.”

“Geez,” Ben muttered, shaking his head. “I had no idea. Mara ... she’s so secretive with me. I try and ask her stuff about what’s going on with her and it’s just —“

He stopped, sighing. Surely Hux didn’t want to hear about Ben’s parenting fails. But Hux ... he was looking at Ben seriously, thoughtfully. As if he was _interested_ in what Ben was telling him. Seeing that expression gave Ben the courage to press on, quietly,

“Sometimes ... I don’t know. I wish that she would go back to the way she was before all of this. Before my divorce, I mean. She used to want to do things with me. And she’d talk. God, she’d talk. My favorite time of day used to be when I’d come home from work. Mara would pounce on me and talk my ear off about school. Sometimes for a whole hour, just talking. About her classes, her friends, who said what at lunch, rumors and gossip, everything. Now if I try and ask her about school, or about anything, I just get grunts, or one word responses. A lot of ‘fines’, a lot of ‘okays’. Even if I try and compliment her, I get the same. I can’t help but feel shitty about it, Hux.”

Hux was quiet for a bit, sipping at his coffee, before responding,

“That sounds difficult, Ben. It really does. But whatever happens, don’t give up hope, you know? Keep believing that one day things will return to normal for you two. Okay?”

Ben nodded.

“And besides,” he continued, picking up his own plate and taking it to the sink, “Take some comfort in the fact that, even if it’s strained right now, you HAVE a relationship with your kid. I’d give anything for a relationship with my dad.”

Ben tilted his head, surprised. He glanced at the clock; 5:40am. Almost time for him to leave ... yet he wanted to hear Hux’s story.

“You and your dad ... do you, um —“

Smiling ruefully, Hux explained, “My dad disowned me when I was 17 years old. Kicked me out of the house; I went back and forth living with various cousins for a full year before I turned 18 and, thank God, got a scholarship for college.”

Ben’s jaw dropped, flabbergasted. Who in the world could kick out their own child, like that? And especially somebody as nice and caring as this man?

But wait ... maybe Hux hadn’t always been so nice? Was that it?

Before Ben could ask, Hux elaborated, saying,

“He came home early from work one day and caught me, and my boyfriend at the time, in a, um, compromising condition. He went ballistic and told me to get out.”

_**Boyfriend???**_  
  
“So ... so your dad caught you, and —“

“I just decided to come clean with it, Ben. Told him I was gay, that I’d known I was gay since 2nd grade, everything. Anyway, we had a big fight, and he kicked me out.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that, Hux. That’s awful. But at the same time ... I’m, uh, I’m impressed. You had your moment, your coming out moment. I imagine ... I’m told, that that can be a hard thing to do, at any age.”  
  
“It was a difficult decision, sure,” Hux said, slowly. “And I lost a lot of friends. Well, actually, no I didn’t, because a TRUE ‘friend’ accepts your as you are, regardless. But my relationship with my father never recovered.”  
  
“What if ... what if the situation had been reversed?”

“What do you mean?”

“Pretend that you weren’t gay. And you had come home from school, and found your father with a man. How would you have reacted?”

“Well, I’d like to think that I would have been accepting. That my father would have taken the time to explain what was going on, and that I’d understand.”

Ben bit his lower lip. “I can’t imagine a father coming out to his kids. Especially if ... if the kids had had no idea that their dad was like that, in the first place.”

“I suppose it would be difficult, under those circumstances,” Hux said, looking sideways at Ben. “I mean, telling friends is one thing, but a child? I don’t know.”

He paused and looked at Ben.

“But then again, I think how kids handle things depends a lot on how smart they are, too. For example, Mara took it well when I told her about me.”  
  
“You told her about you?”, Ben asked, somewhat surprised.  
  
“Mm. I hope that wasn’t overstepping boundaries, but she was asking me about this museum I had told her about, this small private-owned one in New York, and I mentioned that my boyfriend and I used to go there all the time.”  
  
“And ... and what did she say, when you said ‘boyfriend’?”  
  
Hux shrugged. “Not a whole lot. I mean, she didn’t seem to think it was a big deal. She asked me a little about him, and I told her some about why we had broken up. But that was the only time.”  
  
“Broken up?”, Ben repeated; and he had to wonder why the idea of Hux not being with anyone made his heart do a strange flutter-flop in his chest. “So, you mean you’re —“  
  
Hux nodded, a rueful smile on his face. “Yep. Single as a dollar bill.”  
  
“Oh,” Ben said, somewhat awkwardly, not knowing how to continue the conversation. And anyway, it was now minutes away from being 6am. Ben couldn’t sit here talking to Hux all day; he had to get up and moving, and —  
  
“Why did you break up?”  
  
Hux looked at him, and Ben immediately backtracked his question. “Shit, I’m sorry, you don’t have to answer that if —“  
  
“No, it’s cool. Um, we had different goals, I guess.”  
  
“Goals?”  
  
“Mm hm. I mean, some of the stuff we wanted was similar. A better apartment. To travel. But some of the deeper things ... we just didn’t see eye to eye on.”  
  
“Deeper?”  
  
“Well, the biggest thing, was I have always wanted kids someday. I looked into adoption agencies, surrogacy, everything. I tried to talk to him about it, but his position never changed. Eventually the issue got to be enough so that we split up over it.”  
  
“Ah, so you actually like kids. I mean, like, this isn’t just a job for you.”  
  
Hux nodded. “I actually do like kids, yeah. And you know, yours are really something. You’re lucky to have them.”  
  
Ben nodded. “I know. I am. Not so sure that they’re lucky to have ME, though.”  
  
“You’re wrong about that, Ben. Remember ,I had an awful father. You’re nowhere near that.”  
  
Bens face flushed, and Hux looked at the clock. “Er, it’s 6:10. Weren’t you supposed to leave at 6?”

“Shit, you’re right!”, Ben yelped, jumping up and grabbing his lunch from the fridge.

He was halfway out the door before something made him come back in.

“Um, Hux?”

“Yeah?”

What Ben wanted to say, was that he’d enjoyed their conversation. How much he’d appreciated being both listened to, and opened up to, like that.

He wanted to say that .... but all that would come out was,

“Have a good day.”

“You, too, Ben.”


	4. Chapter 4

“Sooooo, Miss Padme Solo. You’re not gonna believe this, but guess who’s turning an entire 7 years old on Sunday?”

It was Friday night, and Ben was thumbing through his drawer of take-out menus, trying to find something good to order. It was boiling hot outside, and Ben was in no mood to cook. He’d just landed on the menu for his favorite Chinese place when he’d asked this of Paddie, smiling coyly.

Paddie gasped and jumped up, running to look at the calendar in the kitchen. Earlier in the year, Ben had bought a bunch of colorful stickers, and together he and Paddie fixed a special sticker for the family’s birthdays. Rey’s, Ben’s, Mara and Paddie’s, and grandma Leia and grandpa Han. Judging by her surprised reaction, it was obvious that Paddie didn’t expect her own birthday to be coming up so soon.

This was also pleasant for Ben; normally, Paddie’s birthday fell on a weekday, and therefore would be held at Rey’s house. Ben was invited, of course ... but this year he was happy that he would get a chance to make his daughters day a special one, all on his own. Plus, it being a Sunday, Ben would be off from work, and he just so happened to have the following Monday off as well, another bonus.

“It’s me, it’s me!”, Paddie yelled as she ran back in, having pulled the calendar off the wall. “Look! It’s my sunflower sticker! It’s me!”

“That’s right,” Ben answered, scooping her into his arms. “And I don’t work, so we can spend all day together. Do you have any ideas on what you want to do?”

Paddie scrunched up her face, her little brows furrowed in concentration. “Anything?”

“As long as it’s not flying to the moon, yes.”

“Um ... can we ask Toni and Jamie to go to Chuck E Cheese?”

Ben smiled. Toni and Jamie were Phasma’s two little girls, 10 and 5, with whom Paddie was friendly. “If that’s what you want, sure. We’ll get cake and pizza and play lots of games, okay?”

Paddie nodded enthusiastically. “And Mara has to come too.”

Ben looked over at where Mara was sitting on the couch, reading a magazine.

“I’m sure your sister will be super excited to go. Right, Mara?”

Mara sighed, but she nodded. “Anything for you, Paddie.”

Paddie ran to her sister and threw her little arms around Mara’s shoulders, hugging her. Mara blushed, but squeezed her little sister back.

“Daddy?”, Paddie asked, when she was done hugging.

“Yes?”

“Can we please ask Hux, too?”

Ben tilted his head in surprise; he hadn’t expected that. “Really?”

Paddie nodded. “Yeah! He’s fun!”

“Okay; how about we go upstairs to ask Toni and Jamie, and when we come back, I’ll let you call Hux. Okay?”

Paddie went to put on her shoes, leaving Ben a few moments to think.

Earlier in the week, he had been prepared to tell Hux that he was no longer needed to watch the two girls. Mara was fully recovered, and more than able to resume babysitting duties on her own.

Yet, when Ben had mentioned it to the two at the end of dinner, Paddie had surprised him by starting to cry. She _rarely_ cried, and seeing her do so made Ben feel like crying, too.

“Don’t want him to go!”, she’d wailed, sobbing in Ben’s arms. “Don’t make him go!”

“But baby —“

“You know, it was kind of nice, having somebody else be responsible for a change,” Mara had spoken up, quietly, to Ben’s astonishment.

“Huh? But ... but didn’t you tell me that you were too old for a babysitter??”

Mara shrugged, and Ben could see that her face had heated up, before she said, “Didn’t YOU say that he’s not a babysitter, but an adult companion?”

“Well, yes, but —“

“And Padme obviously wants him here,” Mara continued, beginning to clear the table. “So why not ask if he’ll stay from now on? We’re only gonna be here another month, anyway.”

So Ben had relented, and the next morning asked Hux if he minded staying until the girls went back to their mom.

“Of course I’d love to stay,” Hux had replied, chuckling as Paddie leapt at him and tackled him with her tiny arms. “Mara, you have like 1000 recipes you still haven’t taught me. And Paddie, we still have like 1000 parks to explore, don’t we?”

“Yes! And you promised you’d show me how to do the monkey bars! Daddy’s afraid of them.”

“What? No I’m not!”

“Yeah you are,” Paddie insisted. “You said when you were little grandpa Han told you that real monkeys lived inside the sand and jumped out and ate you and that’s why they’re called monkey bars!”

Hux burst out laughing, so hard that he was holding his stomach. He had one of those contagious laughs, and Mara and Paddie joined in fairly quickly. Ben, however, was blushing.

“Well, okay, but you can’t blame me for that, can you? That’s a terrifying thing to tell a kid!”

“A kid?”, Mara asked, and despite Ben’s embarrassment, some part of him was happy to see her laughing and taking part in their mirth, “Dad you said you were 13 when he told you that. You were almost my age!”

Hux was able to stop laughing long enough to say, “Well, don’t feel too bad, Ben. When I was like 8 my dad told me that goblins come out from under the bed and eat kids who don’t eat all of their vegetables. I believed that all the way up to when I was a 20 year old.”

That had been last week, and now, finally, was the day of Mara’s party.

Phasma had to work, so Ben was thankful to have the added help of Hux, along with Mara, to supervise the kids. There were only three of them, but each was so wildly energetic that one kid felt like 10.

Ben had reserved a small table for the six of them, and had gotten the birthday package, which included two pizzas, unlimited drinks, and 250 game tokens, which Ben thought should be more than enough for the kids to split. He had also gotten her a cake, chocolate with pink and white frosting, and, of course, there were presents.

And what a haul she made.

Aside from the doll and game that she got from Phasma’s girls, Ben (who willingly admitted to himself that he’d gone overboard) and Mara between them had gotten her roller skates, ‘fancy’ art supplies, faux jewelry, more games, and the coup de grace; a brand new bike, Green (Paddie’s favorite color) with rainbow colored tassels in the handles.

Ben had been touched that Hux went to the trouble of getting her a gift (even though Ben had said multiple times that he didn’t have to); a beautiful ornate box that contained dozens of hair clips, barrettes, bows, and a matching brush and comb set, decorated with glittering green butterflies. Paddie has been enchanted by it, and had hugged Hux repeatedly.

After the presents and the cake and pizza, the younger girls had gone off to play games, with Mara trailing after them. 

“Hey, Hux ... you wanna play me?”, he asked, pointing to an air hockey table.

“You sure? I used to be a pro at that when I was a teen.”

“So was I,” Ben says, grinning. “So you’ll be a worthy opponent.”

“What’s the winner get?”

“Ummm, how about, the loser has to use all their tickets from the games they actually won, to get the winner a prize from the counter?”

“Deal.”

They ended up playing 10 games against each other, with Ben beating Hux out 6-4. He’d glance up every so often to look over at where Mara and the girls were, to verify that they were okay. He knew he should really go and relieve her soon, but ... this was fun. 

Eventually, as if reading his thoughts, Hux said, “Maybe we should go check on the kids. I’m sure Mara doesn’t want to have to follow them around all afternoon.”

“You’re right. But first, you owe me a prize.”

The two made their way to the prize counter, and, after telling Ben to turn around and not look, Hux chose for him a red light-up ring.

Ben had laughed and slid it on his pinkie (the only finger it would fit on).

“It’s not often I get such fine pieces of jewelry,” Ben said, pressing his ring to make it light up. But you know ... if we had kept going, you could have won. My hand was getting tired.”

“Good to know. But it’s probably better we got off, anyway; did you see those kids glaring at us? They probably wanted to shout ‘Get the hell off the table, old dudes!’”

Ben chuckled. “Hey, you’re only as old as you feel, Hux. Do you feel old right now?”

“No. Actually this is the youngest I’ve felt in a while,” Hux told him, giving him a smile before they reached Mara.

_Shit ... me, too._

The afternoon seemed to pass rather quickly after that. By the time they left, it was already dark outside. Paddie had been so worn out that she fell asleep in the car before they’d even left the parking lot, and Ben had had to carry her in and put her in her bed. Hux had followed them home in his own car, to help. He brought Jamie and Toni back to their mother, then he and Mara had helped carry Paddie’s presents into the apartment. Afterwards, Mara, clearly tired herself, had said her good night’s.

“Say, Hux,” Ben said, when Mara had gone into her room. “If you’re not in a hurry to get home ... you want to have a drink with me? Out on the stairwell?”

“I’d like that,” Hux replied, and Ben grabbed some beers out of the fridge, along with a couple of folding chairs from the closet, and the two set themselves up by the railing outside the door.

The night really was beautiful; warm, a gentle breeze rustling the tree leaves, and the sky was clear, revealing what seemed like thousands of colorful stars.

“Just one beer for me, please,” Hux had told Ben, as Ben set a cold one in front of him. “Still have to drive home, you know.”

“Of course. This is just my way of saying thanks,” Ben said, smiling. “Actually I feel like I should pay you for today; today was probably more like babysitting than anything else.”

Hux chuckled and shook his head. “That’s okay. I had a lot of fun. But can I ask you something?”

Ben nodded, his heartbeat picking up at Hux’s sudden serious tone.

“Yeah?”

Leaning close, and lowering his voice, Hux asked,

“The mouse. Chuck E Cheese. Did the animatronic suit creep you out too, a little, or am I just being lame?”

Ben burst out laughing. “No! You’re not alone; literally the entire time he was singing Happy Birthday I was praying that he wouldn’t get any closer to me! Screw just being creepy, that shit is damn near demonic!”

Then both of them were howling with laughter, Hux so hard that he had tears in his eyes.

When they were calm enough to stop, Ben said, still smiling, “Of course, if you think that’s a scary, you should see the characters walking around at Disney World. Donald Duck creeped me out so much I almost pissed myself.”

“You’ve been to Disney World?”

Ben nodded. “Yeah, once. It was about 6 years back. Mara was about 8 and Paddie was barely a year old. Anyways that summer my dad had been laid off from the company he worked for, which was actually fine; he’d been thinking pretty hard about retiring anyway. But they gave him a huge severance package, and he and my mom surprised us by offering to take us on a vacation to Florida, to go to Disney.”

“That sounds really nice.”

“It was. I feel kinda bad because Paddie wasn’t old enough to appreciate it, but Mara sure was. She had a blast. My ex-wife took so many pictures; I swear there’s at least 5 full photo albums just of pictures from that trip.”

A small beat of silence, and then:

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“And you won’t get mad?”

“Nope. What’s your question?”

“Okay ... your ex. Rey. You speak of her in such glowing terms. Do you ever miss being married to her?”

Ben bit his lower lip, thinking carefully about his answer. Eventually he responded with,

“I ... don’t miss being married to her. Not that she was in any way a bad wife. But our romantic relationship just wasn’t working. We work better as friends. If I miss anything, well, I guess I miss having someone to care, if that makes sense.”  
  
“To care?”  
  
“Mm hm,” Ben said, nodding. “Rey ... she cared. She cared whether I would get a promotion at work, she cared whether I had clean socks, she cared about how I felt and _why_ I felt how I felt. You know you go through so much of life thinking that you’re alone, and to have somebody on your team that definitely CARES about what’s going on with you ... it makes a difference, you know? And I guess that’s what I miss.”

“I can understand that,” Hux said, quietly.  
  
“And also ... it’s hard, like this. Before I was on my own I never realized how much of my life she kept running smoothly. Hot meals, paying all the bills on time, keeping track of birthdays and anniversaries and doctor and dentist appointments ... and with the girls —“, he paused, shaking his head. “I honestly have no idea how on God’s green earth she _does_ it, with them. How she just KNOWS the kind of book to get Mara, how she can just jump in and start playing with Paddie in one of her make believe games. She makes it seem so ... so effortless.”  
  
He stopped here, taking a good pull on his beer, before continuing,  
  
“I wish her nothing but happiness. She deserves all the best things. I hope her future sees her getting married again, and having lots more babies, because she excels at being a mother.”  
  
“But what about you?”  
  
“Me?”  
  
“Yeah. What about you? What do you want for _you_, in the future?”  
  
Ben bit his lower lip, thinking about it.  
  
“I’d like ... to someday have my own house, instead of this cramped apartment. Where the girls could each have their own room, like they do at their mom’s, and a big yard. Maybe adopt a dog; Paddie’s been in my ear about getting a puppy for forever. A better car, for sure. And I’d really like to have my own landscaping company one day, instead of just working for someone else. My name on all the trucks and stuff.”  
  
“That all sounds good, Ben; but what about in terms of your personal life? Do you ever see yourself getting married again, or being in a long term relationship with someone?”  
  
Ben briefly closed his eyes, but not before Hux had caught a glimpse of the pain behind his lids.  
  
“That’s a good question,” he answered, softly; and then he said no more.

“Well ... I think you should, Ben. Be with someone else, eventually. Otherwise you’d be depriving the universe of a REALLY great guy.”

“The same goes for you, too, then. If I’M ‘great’, then YOU’RE _fantastic._ I mean that, you really are. Your ... your ex-boyfriend really fucked up, letting you go.”

The two were looking at each other, and something about each other’s gazes was ... indescribable. Ben felt like some pathway had opened between them, some magnetic flow that swam and lapped in the short space between them, making the night feel vibrant and alive.

There for a split second, then gone again.

The sound of the crickets in the courtyard below them suddenly became deafening, adding to the somewhat awkward stillness of the conversation.  
  
Hux picked up what was left of his beer and drained the last few drops, before standing up.  
  
“Thank you for the drink,” Hux told him, stretching, “But it’s late; I really should be going.”  
  
“Okay,” Ben said, and was mildly surprised to find that his chest was flooding with sadness, at the thought of Hux leaving. Still, he kept the smile on his face. “I guess I’ll, er, _we’ll_ see you on Tuesday then.”

Hux nodded, and turned to leave. Halfway down the first stairway he stopped, turned around, and came back up to the top again.  
  
“Hey, Ben?”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“You do, too.”  
  
“I ... what, too?”  
  
“Deserve all the best things. You do, too.”  
  
And then he was gone, leaving Ben staring thoughtfully after him in the darkness.


	5. Chapter 5

“You’re spoiling them.”

She looked at Ben and frowned. “Excuse me? Am I mistaken or was it Padme’s birthday last week? Birthday, meaning entitled to presents?”

“Fair point. But ‘presents’ could have stopped at 2 things, max. But this — did you just go in, point at everything, and say ‘I’ll take it?’”

“Well —“

“And it’s not Mara’s birthday for another 4 months. So what’s the reason behind all these things for her?”

The older woman stood up, her hands on her hips. “With all due respect, Ben, you owe me this.”

“Huh?”

“You have the audacity to give me two beautiful granddaughters, then NOT make the effort to come and see me every single day that you have them.”

“Mom!”, he exclaimed, throwing up his hands, “You live like a billion miles away! It takes us half a day to drive here. I work all day on the weekdays. Am I supposed to get off work, spend half the night driving over, stay for an hour, then turn around and drive back home to make it to work the next day?”

“If you really loved me — yes.”

Ben let out something that was halfway between a laugh and a sigh, and sat down beside her, giving her a hug around the shoulders.

“I always thought I got my craziness from dad. But it’s clearly from you, right?”

“Maybe. But cheer up; you ALSO got your good looks and intelligence from me, so in the end it all evens out,” she said, setting them both to laughing.

It was the weekend after Paddie’s birthday, and, at Ben’s mother’s insistence, the family made the drive down to visit Han and Leia Solo in their farmhouse in the countryside.

Ben had been (not really) surprised to see that his mother had bought her youngest granddaughter what seemed like an entire closet of clothes. Dresses, jeans, pretty shirts and blouses, shoes — and then Ben had turned around and found that she’d also gotten a head-turning amount of things for Mara, much to the older girl’s delight.

It was early Saturday now (Ben had been off on Friday, so they had driven up and arrived yesterday afternoon; they would leave after breakfast tomorrow morning) and Han had taken the girls out to the old barn, to show them a nest of kittens that he’d found the other day in the loft, leaving Ben and his mother temporarily alone. Leia had taken the time to start folding and packing up all of the kids’ new clothes for them to take home, and Ben sat beside her, ‘helping’.

Ben loved coming here. It was so quiet, so peaceful away from the city. He’d honestly been surprised when, several years back, his parents had informed him that they were moving out to this old place. Both of his parents had been active city people their entire lives, with Han working as a long-distance cargo hauler and Leia a member of the city council. When Ben was younger, his parents were rarely home at the same time, always on the move and busy as all hell.

Yet retirement (and age) had apparently changed all that. 

“All we want now is some peace and quiet, thank you very much,” Leia had informed Ben, when he’d questioned it.

So they’d used their retirement savings and had bought this place, and Ben had to admit that just being here felt warmer and more intimate than any of the places they’d lived when he was a kid. The Solo’s place had one neighbor bordering them to the south, about two miles away, and a small town in the north that boasted a population of less than 2000 people.

They grew things now, too. Han, who uncovered a very surprising green thumb, had managed to cultivate a huge vegetable garden, as well as about a half-acre of pumpkins, which he intended to sell in the fall. Their place also had a creek that ran behind the pumpkin field, ideal for fishing (which Ben and his father had spent the majority of yesterday afternoon doing).

If Ben was being honest with himself, he felt that his ultimate goal would be to end up here, himself, someday. To have his father (who was also a master carpenter) help him build a house on the edge of Han and Leia’s property. A bedroom for each of the girls (for when they were with him), and dogs (and maybe cats, too) galore. To be established enough with his own landscaping company that he could run the business right from home, with all of the trucks and equipment stored in a barn built especially for it.

And maybe, if he was lucky ... he’d have a person to share it all with. Somebody to curl up with in front of the fireplace, on chilly evenings. Somebody that would be excited to go to his parents’ house for dinner on Sundays. Someone who —

“So, Ben,” Leia asked, cutting into his thoughts. “We haven’t seen each other in a while, baby. Anything new you have to tell me?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean ... is there anybody new in your life, now? Someone special, perhaps?”

Ben blushed, and quickly reached down and picked up one of the items of clothing, clumsily folding it. “No.”

“You’re sure? Because that’s not the impression a certain freckled birdie has left me with.”

“H-huh? What do you mean?”

“Well, Padme’s been talking my ear off about this person she says watches her and Mara during the day. A ... Hux, was it? From what she’s told me, it sounds like all four of you have been doing a lot of things together. So I thought that maybe —“

But Ben shook his head. “No. It’s not like that. He’s just the girls’ sitter, that’s all. And ... and I guess, my friend, somewhat.”

“That’s all?”, she repeated skeptically.

“That’s really all.”

A spell of quiet stretched between them, and then Leia was saying, timidly, “I take it, that you still haven’t told them, yet?”

Ben lowered his head in shame. “No,” he replied, in a voice just barely above a whisper. Then, in a rush: “But there’s plenty of time for that later, right? I mean, why tell them anything right now? I’m still single, after all. It’d be different if I was dating some guy and hiding it from them ... but that’s not the case here.”

“No, but I almost wish it was.”

“Why?”

“Because then at least you’d be with someone, baby. I hate to see you so lonely.”

“I’m not lonely; I have my daughters, don’t I?”

“Not the same thing. And, this summer being an exception, you only have them every so often. The rest of the time you’re just —“

The sound of the backdoor opening interrupted Leia, and Ben stood up quickly. 

“I know you’re trying to help, mom,” he said, in a low voice, “But I’m fine. Really, I am.”

He walked out before she could say anymore, leaving Leia sighing behind him.

“Daddy!”, Paddie exclaimed, when she saw her father. “The kittens are so cute! Daddy, can WE get —“

— —

“You ever get scared, at how there’s no noises?”

Han closed his eyes and smiled. “I used to. But now I’ve gotten used to it.”

Ben nodded. It was several hours after dinner, and Leia was putting her granddaughters to bed. Ben was out on the old porch swing with his father, who sat out there to smoke his pipe during the evening (Leia was sensitive to the tobacco smell and didn’t like him to do so inside the house.)

“So, when you sell those pumpkins, are you just going to haul them into town?”

“I was planning on it. Why?”

“Well I was thinking you should open up a pumpkin patch. You know, where people come and walk through and pick their own?”

“Hm,” Han said, exhaling a cloud of smoke. “You just might be on to something, kid.”

The two sat quietly for awhile, each lost in their own thoughts, before Han turned to Ben and said, somewhat awkwardly,

“So, Ben. How are things, with you?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, well — your daughter was talking an awful lot about this guy. So I was wondering if —“

Ben rolled his eyes, slightly annoyed. How many times was he going to have to explain himself, about this?

“It’s not what you’re thinking,” Ben told him, looking down at his shoes. “We ... me and him are friends, kind of. And he’s their babysitter. That’s it.”

Han nodded, and Ben could almost feel, how difficult this was for him. When Ben had come to his parents a few years back to tell them about the divorce, both of them had been greatly saddened. Rey had been in their son’s life since high school, and they had both grown to love her a great deal. And with Rey, she had lost both parents in a car crash when she was 19, and had more or less adopted Han and Leia as her own mom and dad. Several of her paintings hung throughout their house, and Leia had regular phone calls with her a few times a week. 

Han in particular loved Rey, thinking of her as the daughter he never had. 

So when Ben not only told them about the divorce, but of the reason behind it (Ben’s being gay), he had had a bit of difficulty accepting it. He told Ben that he loved him regardless, but Ben sometimes had doubts, that this was the way Han really felt. He wondered, more than once, whether Han considered him to be a disappointment, now.

But the problem was, neither Ben nor Han were very practiced with being open about their feelings, or really talking about anything on a deeper level.

But ... maybe, just maybe, it was time to change all of that.

“Dad ... I’m gonna tell you something. Something that I haven’t even told mom yet. And I don’t know why I’m telling you, other than, maybe, I just need to get it out. If you don’t want to hear it you can go back inside, I won’t be mad or offended. Okay?”

Han nodded, and then he put out his pipe, leaning closer to his son.

“I’m listening.”

“Okay. The thing is, I’ve been lying to you and mom. Well, kind of. You’ve both asked me about Hux and I’ve told you both that he’s just a friend, just the girls’ sitter. And okay, that’s the truth. But what I didn’t say, is that I don’t WANT it to be the truth. I ... I think I like Hux. A lot. But I’m scared to tell him, because I don’t know how he’d react, and then if anything WERE to start between us I’d HAVE to have that talk with Mara and Paddie, and dad, that terrifies the fuck out of me.”

Here he paused and, running his fingers through his hair, continued,

“I’ve had dreams about it, before; where I’m telling them about me. In them, Paddie almost always starts crying and Mara tells me that she won’t come over to visit me anymore, no matter what I say, or Rey says. I’ve had these dreams so much that it’s like watching an old movie. I know I need to tell them but then I think it’s better if I keep it to myself and just hide things but then I think that it’s not fair to ME to have to hide things but THEN I think that I’m being selfish because neither of them asked for this, I’M the one who broke up our family, and I’m pretty sure that Mara already hates me for that and I don’t want Paddie to be next.”

Ben stopped talking them, not daring to look at his father, searching around in his head to see if he’d forgotten to say anything. 

He hadn’t.

The quiet stretched on between father and son for so long that Ben began to be afraid, worrying about what Han could possibly be thinking.

Bens heart sank when Han, without a word, got up and walked into the house. 

Yet it revived a few minutes later, when Han came back out ... this time with two beer bottles, one of which he handed to his son.

“After saying all that, you could probably use a drink, son,” he said, holding out his bottle opener. Ben took it and twisted his cap off, before handing it back to him. Han opened his own, and the two sat quietly for awhile, the only sound the porch swing moving slowly back and forth in the breeze.

“So,” Han said after awhile, starting Ben. “You like this guy. And you don’t know how to tell him. And then, separately, you don’t know how to have this talk with your kids. Right?”

Ben nodded. “Yeah.”

“What do you like about him?”

“What?”

“What is it, that you like about this man?”

Ben pursed his lips, thinking, “I like ... that he’s easy to talk to. I like that he’s nice. I like that he likes kids. I like that he’s funny.”

“You said he’s a nice person? Nice, how?”

“Well, he’s polite. He holds open doors and stuff like that. He always listens to what others are saying, and cares about others’ problems.”

“Okay, so, he has a good moral compass. Is he smart?”

Ben nodded. “He really is. He actually understands all those books Mara reads.”

“Alright, so he’s nice, he’s smart, he’s funny. Son, that’s all that should matter, in a relationship.”

“But —“

“And I think, if you explained this to your girls, they’d understand. I really do. And with Hux himself ... the best thing I can tell you is, ask him out.”

“I can’t just do that, dad. In the first place I’ve never even come out and said that I like guys, to him. And second —“

“Ben, sometimes, you have to just jump, you know? You’ve gotta jump with no idea of what might break your fall.”

“But —“

“That’s what I did with your mom, you know. From the get-go nearly everybody told me that I’d be wasting my time, going after her. I was a slacker and she was an ambitious go-getter. I was older. My family was dirt-poor, and hers was well-off. But I jumped; I walked up and I asked her out. And she said yes. 40+ years later and here we are. Has it been easy? No. But has it been worth it? All I have to do is look at your face, or Mara’s, or Paddie’s, to see just how worth-it, it was.”

Here he paused, putting a hand on Ben’s shoulder. “I want that for you, too, kid. I want you to be able to wake up one day and just know, really KNOW, that you made good choices in your life. I don’t want you waking up alone, with the kids grown and gone, spending your days wondering what could have been. Alright?”

He stood up and stretched, yawning. “I’m going in and going to bed. But I want you to stay out here for a while. Finish your beer, listen to the quiet, and really THINK about what I just said.”

Ben nodded, and Han leaned over him, giving him a brief hug. 

“Love you, dad,” Ben murmured, as his father was walking back into the house.

“Ditto, kid. Ditto.”


	6. Chapter 6

There came a day, about a week into August, that Hux didn’t show up one morning. Ben, thinking that he was just running late, let Mara and Paddie sleep while he waited for him.

Yet at about 6:45, his phone rang.  
It was Hux.

“Ben, I’m so sorry,” Hux said, and Ben noted that his voice sounded like it was coming from underwater, it was so thick and slurry-sounding. “Meant to call you earlier but I fell back asleep. I don’t think I can make it today; I’ve got one hell of a cold.”

“Jeez, you sound awful,” Ben told him, concerned. “Have you got medicine and stuff?”

A pause, with Hux moving the phone away from his mouth to cough, before he responded,

“I’ve got a bottle of cough syrup, so I’ll be fine. But more importantly; will the girls be okay without me for a day or so?”

“They’ll be fine. Don’t worry about them, worry about YOU, and getting better, okay?”

“Okay. I’ll talk to you later, Ben.”

When Hux hung up, Ben spent several minutes looking down at his phone. As strange as it was for somebody to catch a bad cold in such a hot month, Ben wasn’t really surprised. Hux was very slim, and several days ago he had taken Paddie, along with Jamie and Toni (Mara had elected to stay home) to the community pool, which must have further instigated his condition.

“Dad?”

Ben turned around; it was Mara, emerging from her room and rubbing her eyes. “What’s wrong?”

Ben explained to her about Hux being sick, and asked if she minded handling babysitting on her own today, and possibly a few more days, until Hux was better.

“I don’t mind,” she’d said, going to the fridge to pour herself a glass of milk. “Do you think he’d mind if we called him later?”

Ben smiled, while pulling his lunch bag out of the fridge. “He’d probably be thrilled, only wait until later-later; he sounds pretty worn out right now.”

That evening, when Ben came home, he was pleasantly surprised to find that Mara had taken the initiative to start dinner on her own, as well as vacuum and straighten the house up.

“It won’t be ready for another hour yet, but in the meantime, I have a suggestion about what you could do.”

“Oh? What?”

— —

Ben knew his address, although he had never gone over before. And he honestly wasn’t sure if he should be here NOW. Wouldn’t Hux think he was being weird, just showing up out of the blue like this? 

But Mara and Paddie had insisted, all but shoving him out the door with the bag Mara had packed before he’d come home. 

Well, no time to think about it now; here he was at Hux’s front door.

A few firm knocks, and then —

“Hi,” Ben said, awkwardly. He knew his face was on fire; he really should have called first. Hux was wrapped from head to toe in a thick blanket, and his eyes looked as though he’d just woken up. Still, Ben pressed on,

“Um, sorry, I don’t mean to bother you, but, um, Paddie made you a Get Well card that she wanted me to deliver to you. And I brought some other stuff.” He held up the bag he was carrying, explaining its contents, “Some water bottles, some Kleenex, a pack of cough drops, and this,” he said, holding up a pink Tupperware container. “Mara sent this; chicken soup. She made it herself.”

Hux smiled, and pulled open his door further. “This is incredibly nice of you. At the risk of contamination ... do you want to come in?”

“You don’t mind?”

“Not if you don’t mind the coughing.”

So Ben stepped inside.

Hux’s apartment, while smaller than Ben’s own, was beautifully cozy nonetheless. The there was a soft, square tan carpet laid out in the middle of the floor, a small sofa, and an easy chair, all facing a modest-sized tv mounted on the wall. Looking to the left, Ben could see a very small kitchen, and a small hallway branches off of the right side of the living room, which Ben assumed must lead to Hux’s bedroom. To the right of the chair closest to the door was a large bookshelf, crammed almost to bursting with books and magazines, and next to that, a cedar wood end table with several pictures displayed in shining black frames.

“Please, sit,” Hux told him, gesturing to one of the chairs. “Can I get you something to drink?”

Ben shook his head before sitting down. “No. You’re the sick one, Hux, you need to be taking it easy.”

“It’s okay; I’m feeling much better after my day-long ‘nap’.”

“Well you don’t sound better. Your voice sounds like you’ve been gargling with mud.”

Hux chuckled at that. “Thanks. I guess I’ll cancel my American Idol audition then.”

He walked away and into the kitchen. “I’m going to put Mara’s soup away until my throat feels a little less scratchy. You’re sure you don’t want a drink? I just made a pot of tea maybe 20 minutes ago; it’s still warm.”

“Well ... sure. Okay.”

Ben stood up and went to Hux’s bookshelf, while the latter was in the kitchen. He had such an eclectic mix of reading material ... but what surprised Ben the most was a half-shelf comprised entirely of comic books.

He picked one up, and smiled, as he carefully flipped it open.

“The Amazing Spider Man,” he said out-loud, as Hux came back in the room. “I had this one when I was a kid. Funny; I never would have taken you for a comics kind of guy.”

Hux placed Ben’s teacup down on the table near him, then sat back down with his own.

“Comics were like my first love,” he told Ben, as he gently blew across the rim of his cup, trying to cool the steaming liquid. “No better form of escape, especially when you had parents who fought all the time, like mine did.”

Ben carefully put the comic back on the shelf, before sitting and picking up his own teacup. “You too, huh?”

“What do you mean?”

“My parents used to be at each other a lot, too. I mean they get along great NOW but it wasn’t like that when I was young. They even got separated for like, 2 years, when I was a teen. I thought for sure they’d get a divorce, but ...”, here he paused, and shrugged. “I guess they found a way to make it work.”

Hux nodded, setting down his teacup. “I get that. My mom and dad separated too, only they DID get divorced. But then mom got sick and died like, less than a year after that, so really I think the divorce was kinda pointless.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, Hux.”

Hux nodded. “It’s okay. You learn to live with things. Even if they hurt. But speaking of hurt ... what the hell happened to your hand??”

Ben looked at the offending appendage in surprise. He’d forgotten all about his injury until just this moment.

“Oh,” he said, picking at the bandage, “No big deal. I was picking up some debris from around this big greenhouse and didn’t realize there was glass in the pile. Cut my hand up a little but I’ll live.”

“Don’t you have gloves for that kind of thing? Like the thick ones that protect the hands?”

“Yeah, but I had taken them off for lunch and then I guess I forgot to put them back on again.”

Hux shook his head and took another sip of his tea. “Well, don’t forget them anymore, okay? Pretty soon your whole body’ll be slashed up and you’ll look like some kind of horror movie villain.”

Ben laughed. “Shit, that’s fine with me. Horror movies are my favorite.”

“Really?”

“Mm hm. I can’t watch them much, though, while the kids are around; because Paddie is terrified of even the tamer ones, and Mara says they’re, quote, ‘A poor excuse for real cinema.’”

Hux laughed too, although lightly, as he was trying to prevent a coughing fit.

“Well, then, they don’t know what they’re missing, do they?”

“They sure don’t.”

“You know, every year in October, I make it a point to watch at least one horror flick a night. I try to pick ones that I haven’t seen before, but of course I have to sprinkle the classics in, like Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street, Halloween, and the like. If ... you know maybe this October, you could join me, for a movie or two?”

The way he said that, and the way he was looking at Ben, made all of the thought maybe fly out of the raven-haired man’s head.

_He’s ... he means, watching movies as a friend, right? Right?? He couldn’t possibly mean it like — like —_

“Yeah, maybe,” Ben eventually replied, still feeling flustered. Deciding a change in subject was necessary, he got up and went to the end table with the pictures on it, picking one up.

“Is this you?”

Hux nodded. “Yep. That’s little Armitage, circa 30-plus years ago.”

“Who’s the woman?”

“That’s mom.”

“Huh. She’s really beautiful,” Ben said, and then, without even thinking about how it would sound: “You obviously take after her.”

Was Hux blushing? It was hard to tell, what with his face being so flushed from his cold. Regardless, though, Ben decided that he should probably leave, before he managed to do or say something even more awkward.

“I think I’ll head out now, let you get some rest,” Ben told him, standing.

“Alright. Please thank Paddie for the drawing, and tell her I’m going to put it right by my bed. And Mara ... tell her, honestly, that I’m blown away that she would do something as thoughtful as make me soup. I can’t wait to eat it.”

Ben nodded and began walking to the door. He had his hand on the knob when, from behind him, Hux had come up and tapped his shoulder.

“And Ben?”

Ben slowly turned. “Yeah?”

Hux flabbergasted Ben by putting his arms around him, hugging him tightly. Hux was so warm and his skin so soft, that this sensation came close to being totally overwhelming, to Ben. Absurdly, he had that split-second moment that he sometimes got when he’d donated blood in the past; that shaky, surreal feeling of beginning to faint.

Thankfully, before that could happen, Hux pulled away and said, softly, “Thank YOU for coming over. Just you sitting and talking to me works just as good as any medicine I could take. So thanks.”

“Y-y-you’re welcome,” Ben replied, wincing when he heard the stutter in his voice. “Good night. I’ll call you tomorrow to see how you’re feeling.”

“I’ll be looking forward to it,” Hux said, smiling as he waved Ben out the door. “‘Night.”

When Ben got to his car, he had to sit for a good few minutes, his head resting on the steering wheel, taking deep breaths to try and quell his shakiness.

What the hell was that?

Why was Ben’s heart thumping nearly out of his chest, his skin tingling, his knees knocking against each other ... from a simple hug?

“I must be losing my mind,” he mumbled to himself, as he pulled himself together and started the car. 

_Sometimes you just have to jump, kid,_ his fathers words echoed in his mind. 

“Jump,” Ben said out-loud, cutting off the engine. “Jump, and ask him out, Ben.”

He had started to get out of the car, when his fear caught back up to him, and he quickly got back in, starting the engine once more.

“No; just go home,” he told himself, pulling away from the curb before he could change his mind.


	7. Chapter 7

Ben would never tell Paddie this (because it likely would have scared her even more), but doctors offices gave him the creeps, in a way nothing else did. Something about the cheery colors of the waiting room, the smiling employees ... and then knowing that there were drawers full of scary looking tools and needles and —

It was another Saturday afternoon, and Ben was talking Paddie to the doctor, for her mandatory before-school checkup and shots. Time was moving faster now; in just a couple of weeks Rey would be coming home, and the girls would be going back to school. 

Ben had to admit to himself that the thought of the girls packing up and leaving again had him feeling a bit down. He had gotten so used to their presence that he wasn’t sure how he would be able to cope, once it went back to being just every other weekend that he’d see them.

Also, with the kids going away ... well, obviously, it meant that he’d have no more need for a sitter, no valid excuse to be able to see —

Paddie’s grip on his neck tightened, hard enough to nearly gag him, and Ben sighed as he adjusted her in his arms. He had to carry her in; his youngest daughter was so terrified at the idea of shots that Ben wasn’t entirely sure she wouldn’t try and make a break for it, if he set her down.

Mara had her own appointment this afternoon, with the dentist. But she had argued that she was old enough to go in without her dad, so he had given her a copy of his insurance card and dropped her off, cheerfully telling her to “Break a leg, kid!”; which was met with an impressive eye-roll. He had offered to pick her up when Paddie’s appointment was done, but she’d reminded him that the dentists office (unlike the doctor, who was several miles away) was within a few blocks of the apartment, and she could just walk home when she was done.

While Ben was glad that Mara was growing up into an independent young lady, a (big) part of him missed the old days, where she relied on Ben for things. When she’d get scared, or worried, and rely on her dad to hold her hand and guide her.

But then again ... having a 14 (almost 15) year old clinging onto his neck the way Paddie was hanging on to him ... probably wouldn’t have been healthy. For either of them.

“It’s okay to be scared, baby,” he said to Paddie softly, now, patting her back. “But all of this is going to help you. This is just making sure that you’re healthy.”

“If that’s all it is, why do they need to stick a needle in my arm?”, Paddie shot back at him, and Ben couldn’t help but smile, at how much she sounded like Mara in that moment.

“They’re just going to be putting things in you that KEEP you healthy, and prevents you from getting things from other kids.”

“Like West Nile virus?”

_What the fuck —?_

“How do you know what West Nile virus is?”

“Mara told me. A man said it on tv and I asked and she said it was a like a bad cold and some people die.”

“Well ... well you don’t have West Nile, okay? That isn’t even something you should be worried about.”

“Then can we just go home? Please daddy? I’ll be good and clean my side of the room and I’ll help Mara with —“

“Honey this isn’t a matter of you being good or bad. Like I said, it’s just about being healthy. You’ve had shots before, haven’t you?”

Paddie nodded, her eyes glistening with held-back tears. 

“Yeah. Mommy took me.”

“And it wasn’t so bad, right?”

Instead of answering, Paddie shuddered and buried her face against Ben’s neck, sniffling.

Ben held on to her as he filled out the paperwork, then sat down with her in one of the plastic chairs, to wait to be called into the examining room.

“You know,” he said, resting his chin in her soft brown hair, “I’ll tell you a funny story about Mara, IF you sit in your own chair.”

Paddie separated herself from Ben, looking at his face carefully, as if considering his offer. Then she nodded, and climbed off of his lap and into the chair next to him.

Ben smiled and patted her hand. “Okay. So, once, when Mara was, oh, 4, maybe 5, your mom and I took her to get her booster shots.”

“Rooster shots?”

“No, _booster_. It basically means shots you get when you’re young. Anyway, we told Mara where we were going, and she was fine with it. She was even happy, because your mom told her that the doctor gives you a sucker after.”

“But Mara doesn’t like candy. She says it’s nitrilly insifshen.”

“Do you mean, ‘nutritionally insufficient’?”

Paddie nodded.

“Well, she may say that NOW, but when she was a kid, she went crazy for candy. Anyway, we get to the doctors, the doctor listens to her heart, checks her temperature, all that stuff. But then he opens a drawer, and pulls out a needle. And Mara ... I don’t think I’ve ever seen anybody move so fast. She hopped off the table, ran around my legs, and took off down the hall.”

Paddie burst into laughter, her eyes wide in amazement. “Really?!”

“Yep. Me and your mom chased her, but Mara was SUPER-fast. I finally caught her when she ran into an elevator, but couldn’t reach the button that makes the door close faster.”

Paddie continued to laugh, holding onto Ben’s sleeve. “Then what happened? Did she get in trouble?”

Ben shook his head. “No. Well, your mom yelled at her for running, but honestly, I was laughing so hard when I caught her that I couldn’t yell!”

“Did she still have to get her shots?”

Ben nodded. “Yep. But this time it was a little easier because she’d tired herself out running.”

“Mr. Solo?”, said a voice from an opened door in front of them. “The Doctor is ready to see you now.”

Ben stood up, and held out his hand to Paddie. She inhaled a deep breath and took it, squeezing it tightly.

“Do I get a sucker after this?”

“Tell you what; if you’re a good girl and don’t make me chase after you, when we’re done, we’ll go to McDonald’s and you can get a Happy Meal and play in the Play-Place. Okay?”

“Okay!”, she said, sounding happier, as she walked with her father through the door.

— —

Sunday afternoon, and this time Ben was out with both of his girls, at the local Target.

Yesterday, during the girls’ nightly Skype call with Rey, Rey had mentioned that this was around the time of year where both of the girls’ schools’ websites would put up class lists, dictating what child went to what teacher, as well as school supplies listed for that class. Rey had asked Mara to print out these lists for when Rey came home, so that she could be ready to go shopping.

But Ben had overheard this, and had volunteered to take the kids to get their supplies himself, much to Rey’s delight and gratitude. 

Normally it was that the two parents would split the cost of supplies and back to school clothes evenly, with Ben giving Rey his share and letting her take them shopping. But this last week, he had received a pretty nice bonus from work for some hefty overtime he’d put in on this rich lady’s lawns, so he figured, why not save Rey some time and money and do it himself?

“Ben, you’re so sweet I wish I could hug you right now,” she’d said to him, making Ben blush. 

Now here they were, with Ben armed with a cart, and two lists, Mara and Paddie ... and a huge sense of misgiving, thinking that he’d been hasty to volunteer for this.

The store was packed; apparently more than one parent had decided to go shopping that day, eager to take advantage of all the back to school sales going on. Carts were flying, babies crying, employee running ragged trying to keep up with the demands. 

Paddie’s school clothes were easy (if a bit dull); all of the grade school kids had uniforms, consisting of white or navy-blue collared shirts, and navy-blue slacks or skirts. Rey had texted Ben Paddie’s sizes, too, making it easier for him to pick the items out.

Mara had already taken her list and gone off on her own, and that was fine with Ben. All morning long she’d made it clear that she would rather have done this with her mother, and her subtle (and pointed) comments had served to put a damper on Ben’s initially cheerful mood.

“You stay close to me, Paddie,” Ben had said, as they approached the girls’ clothing section. “There’s a lot of people here; I don’t want you getting lost.”

The two ventured into the clothes, and Ben found himself being jostled by aggressive parents (mostly mothers, it seemed) all trying to find their kid’s sizes on the racks.

“Daddy, did you see that backpack?”, Paddie asked, pointing in the opposite direction. “It had green sparkles! Can I get it, please?!”

“We’ll see, honey,” Ben said absently, nudging his way in-between a crowded rack and a group of people. “Let’s concentrate on the clothes first, okay?”

Ben had to really focus, when looking for Paddie’s sizes. He had never told anyone this, but he was slightly dyslexic, when it came to numbers. He often read them backwards, jumbled up or upside-down, and so he had to really concentrate, to make sure he was selecting the right things. He was thankful that at least Paddie was being quiet for him.

After awhile of moving among the racks, and careful studying of tags, he finally had the things he needed.

“Okay — two white shirts, three blue shirts, and four pairs of pants, since they’re buy one get one free. I know you wanted at least one skirt but they don’t have any your size, so we’ll have to come back for it. Now we just need to look at socks, underwear, and shoes, maybe a nice jacket for when the weather gets colder, and the clothes should be taken care of, Pa—“

Ben froze. 

She wasn’t there.

He looked around, retracing his steps and calling out to her ... but found nothing.

_Shit shit shit!_, he screamed at himself in his head, as he raced frantically up and down the aisles with his cart. _You idiot; how could you lose her??_

Halfway down one aisle he ran into Mara, and quickly told her the situation. She immediately took off for the opposite side of the store, and Ben continued his search.

Just when he was really starting to panic, the shrill squeak of the loudspeaker came in, and a voice droned, “Attention all Target guests; will a Mr. Ben Solo please report to the service desk? Your party is waiting. Repeat, Mr. Ben Solo, your party is waiting.”

Bens heart leapt into his throat as he and the cart tore through the store to the service desk. When he got there, his jaw dropped in amazement.

“_Hux??_”, Ben asked, very surprised. “What in the world are you doing here?”

Hux turned towards him and grinned. In his arms was a sniffling, red-eyed Paddie. He handed Ben’s daughter to him, explaining,

“I just came to return something, and I look over near the pet food and see the cutest kid ever,” he said, reaching out and patting Paddie’s head. “She said she got lost, so we came back up here to have them page you.”

“Hux ... you’re a lifesaver, man. Thank you.”

He reached into his pocket to pull out his phone, to text Mara and let her know Paddie had been found. But before he could hit the first letter, Mara was there, eyes blazing as she walked up to them.

Hux greeted her, and Ben started to explain how Hux had found her, when Mara cut him off by taking Paddie from his arms, saying, “Thank God there’s at least ONE responsible adult around.”

“Mara ... you know I didn’t mean to —“

“Dad, how about you give me Paddie’s list, and _I’ll_ go and get the rest of her stuff with her.”

She set Paddie down, saying, gently, “Would you like that, Padme? Your big sister helping you?”

Paddie nodded, wiping her hand across her face. She wasn’t even looking at Ben, and Ben felt terrible. He was supposed to have been watching her more closely, and now, obviously, some of her trust in him had faltered.

But he couldn’t show this, or his hurt feelings, to either girl. Instead, he calmly pulled Paddie’s list from his pocket, along with his credit card, and handed both to Mara. As he handed over his shopping cart to her, he said, quietly, 

“Okay. I crossed out everything I already have in the cart. So just the stuff that’s not crossed off, and whatever you still need. I’ll be sitting over there,” he said, pointing towards the store’s cafe, “So come get me when you’re all checked out.”

Mara nodded, and left without another word, Paddie’s hand gripped tightly in her own.

Ben sighed, and Hux (who Ben had forgotten was still standing there) put his hand on Ben’s shoulder, cautiously.

“Are you okay?”

Ben nodded. “Yeah. I ... that just scared me, I guess.”

“It would scare anyone. You said you were going to the cafe? I’ll come with you.”

“You don’t have to do that, Hux.”

“I want to,” he said, smiling. “Target cafe has the best popcorn around, and I’ve been smelling it since I walked in this store. Come on; let me buy you a bag.”

Ben nodded, walking with Hux into the cafe. As promised, Hux got both of them bags of popcorn (which really did smell delicious), as well as two coffees, and the two sat down at a corner table.

It was quiet between them for awhile, with Hux munching his food and Ben still lost in thought, before Hux said,

“So, school shopping, huh? That brings back memories. I used to love going to pick up my supplies.”

“I never did. I always hated it. Mom would just go and pick up all my things on her own.”

“Well, maybe I just liked it because I was such a huge nerd. But something about the smell of new pencils, fresh paper and stuff like that was just electrifying to me. Still is.”

“I should have just had you go with the girls when you came over tomorrow, then. Instead I’ve just given Mara another reason to hate me.”

“She doesn’t hate you, Ben. She was _scared_. And people react in different ways to being scared. Getting angry is one of those ways.”

Ben nodded, although he didn’t quite agree with this.

“Not looking forward to later tonight,” Ben said after awhile, taking a sip of his coffee. “When they have their Skype call with Rey, I can just imagine what Mara’s going to tell her.”

“Are you afraid that Rey will yell at you?”

Ben shook his head, and before he knew it, words came pouring out of his mouth.

“She won’t yell at me, Hux. She never does. Nothing is ever really my fault, apparently. She’ll talk to Paddie and tell her that she’s a big girl now and should know better than to wander off. She’ll tell Mara that I’m only human, and humans make mistakes. But it won’t be my _fault_. Just like the divorce wasn’t my _fault_, just like breaking up our family wasn’t my _fault_. She’s ... Rey is the nicest person in this world. But that’s not a good thing, not all the time. Because being nice means she won’t yell at me and she won’t blame me and if she won’t blame me how am I ever supposed to apologize?? To her, to Mara, or to Paddie?”

Hux was quiet for a few moments, taking that all in. 

“Ben ... I don’t think you have a thing, to apologize for.”

“What??”

“Your kids are cared-for, healthy, well-fed and well-clothed. They’re smart, they’re educated. They may not see you as constant as they would if you and their mother were still married, and yeah that sucks, but at least they still SEE you. At least they have time, and a relationship, with you. Your ex-wife, from what you’ve told me, seems to be thriving and happy. And you, Ben; you could be happy, too, if you only let yourself.”

“Let myself?”

“I think — I think you feel so guilty over your divorce, that you don’t allow yourself to be happy. I think you feel like you don’t deserve it, so you don’t seek it out, and you shy away from anything that might bring it to you. But Ben ... you DO deserve it. Please believe me; you really DO.”

_Hux ... will you go out with me? Come on Ben it’s seven words, just say them just fucking SAY them please just say them don’t be such a coward say —_

“Dad?”

Ben looked up, surprised. Mara and Paddie were standing in front of him; he hadn’t even noticed them walking up. Hux looked like he was surprised too, although he hid it better than Ben.

“I should probably be going,” Hux said, standing up with his popcorn bag and coffee in tow. “Mara, Paddie; I’ll see you two tomorrow morning, alright?”

“See you tomorrow,” Mara replied, giving Hux a smile. Paddie ran to him and put her arms around him, squeezing. 

“Thank you for finding me!”

Hux smiled and patted her head. Then he squatted until he was eye-level with her, and said, while glancing sideways at Ben,

“Don’t be too angry with your daddy, okay? He didn’t mean to lose you.”

Paddie tilted her head, looking confused. “I’m not angry, I was scared!”

Ben’s heart gave a little breath of relief, and he reached down and lifted her into his arms, hugging her. “You scared **me**, kid.”

Hux walked out as Ben was holding his daughter, a small smile on his face. Ben watched him go, from over the top of Paddie’s head.

“Thanks,” he called after him, softly.


	8. Chapter 8

“So ... I suppose, I won’t be needing you any more after tomorrow,” Ben said, busying himself with straightening up the counter so that he didn’t have to look in Hux’s eyes.

It was finally upon them: the last week of the girl’s summer with their dad. It was Wednesday morning, early, before either of the girls had woken up. Ben and Hux were having coffee together, like always, when Ben decided to bring this up.

Although it was only the middle of the week, Ben didn’t need Hux to come on Friday; he had taken Friday and Monday off in order to have a long weekend with his girls. Rey would be back in the states very early on Monday, and Ben and the kids were going to pick her up at the airport.

“No more Solo Summer Vacation, eh?”, Hux asked him now; and although Ben was still turned around, he could almost swear that Hux’s voice was a bit shakier than normal.

Ben forced himself to return to the table, and, looking Hux in the eye, he said,

“I feel like I owe you a lot of thanks. For being so excellent to my children, for one. And ... and to me, Hux, you’ve really been a good friend to me. I ... I was kinda hoping, that after this, we could, well, we could —“

“Hux!”

The sudden loud, happy voice from behind them made them both jump, and Ben turned sideways in his seat.

“Good morning, Miss Paddie,” Hux said, smiling, as Paddie hugged his waist. “You’re up early.”

“I had a dream that mommy was home, and then I woke up and I remembered, she’s coming home on Monday! We’re going to get her at the plane place!”

Ben explained how they were going to pick up Rey at the airport, to which Hux smiled and said,

“That sounds like a lot of fun. Did I ever tell you I worked in an airport once, when I was younger?”

“No,” Paddie said, taking the seat next to Hux. “Did you fly the plane??”

Hux shook his head, and began telling her the story of how he worked in an airport cafe, as a part time job during college. As he spoke, Ben got up and began making breakfast for her.

In a way, he was thankful that she had come in when she had; that she’d interrupted what Ben had been trying to say, to Hux.

Because it could never work. But Ben wanted, just couldn’t happen. It was the wrong time, the wrong place, and Ben ... he still wasn’t ready. 

And Hux, with his blue eyes and magnetic smile and beautiful soul ... Hux damn well deserved somebody that was _ready_.

“Ready,” Ben mumbled to himself, unaware that he was speaking out-loud.

“What, daddy?”

Ben turned around, fixing a smile to his face as he replied,

“I said, your eggs are ready, baby.”

— —

The next day, when Ben returned home from work, Hux already had his things together, and was ready to go. 

And Ben could guess why. 

Goodbyes aren’t easy for anyone, really; especially when you have to bid farewell to somebody that you’ve grown attached to. Someone ... that you’ve grown to love.

As both girls had grown to love Hux.

Mara at least attempted to hold her composure. She gave Hux a warm (but brief) hug, and asked him, timidly, if it was okay if she called him every now and again to talk about books. Hux had assured her that it was, and she’d nodded, smiled — and quickly walked away and into her room, gently shutting the door behind her.

And Paddie — Ben was proud of her, that she acted a lot more grown-up than he’d expected her to. Like Mara, she’d given Hux a hug, several drawings, and told him that she’d miss him a lot.

“I’ll miss you too,” Hux had told her, smiling down on her. “Hey you know, when your sister calls me about her books, you’re welcome to say hi to me, too. And who knows; maybe I’ll see you again sometime when you visit your dad on weekends.”

She’d nodded happily at that, then, like Mara, she went and joined her sister in their bedroom, leaving Ben and Hux alone.

_Don’t let him walk out without —_

“Take care, Hux,” Ben said, firmly shaking his hand. “Um, I’ll keep your number, just — just in case I need you again. To babysit, I mean.”

And then he was gone.

Ben tried as hard as he could to make the dinner a cheerful one, but it was difficult. The two girls say at the table, listening to their father speak but barely saying a word themselves, listlessly pushing their food back and forth with their forks.

After they had eaten, Ben told Mara he’d do the dishes, so she and Paddie went into the living room. 

_It’s not so bad, Ben,_ he told himself, as he sloshed plates around the soapy water. _I mean, it’s not like it’ll be the last time you ever see him. The boss has been offering a lot of weekend overtime lately; maybe I can get him to come back on one of the Saturdays or Sundays that the girls are here. Then —_

But no.

Ben ... he wanted more than that.  
So much more.

But the only way “more” could happen would be if —

Ben abruptly turned off the water, wiping his hands on the dish towel. He took several long, deep breaths, trying to pull the air down to his toes, before heading into the living room. Much to the girls’ confusion, he picked up the remote from the table and switched off the tv. Then he sat down in-between them on the couch.

“I need to have a talk with you both,” Ben said, and immediately he felt a light sweat break out on his forehead. Oh, God ... could he do this? Could he go through with it? Already his heartbeat was flooding his ears.

And Mara, at least, seemed to understand that this was going to be a serious talk. She closed the book she’d been reading, giving Ben her full attention.

“What is it, dad?”

“Okay. Um. I have two things to tell you and to be honest ... I’m not even sure where to start. Well, no; I want to start by telling you how much I love you both. I’ve been so happy having you here with me this summer ... but underneath that, I feel guilty. I feel like shit, excuse the language, because it’s this way. That ... that I don’t see you both every single day.”

Mara’s face hardened when he said that, and she replied, ice in her voice, “Then maybe you shouldn’t have divorced mom.”

He turned towards her. “You’re right. You’re right, and you’re angry, aren’t you? Go ahead and tell me you’re angry; I won’t get mad. Say it.”

Clenching her fists, Mara began speaking, slowly,

“Of course I’m angry. Why shouldn’t I be?? Mom is _everything_ and you left her. You left because you _decided_ that you didn’t love her anymore.”

“But I DO love your mom. And that’s why I left; because Rey deserves to be loved in a different way than the way I love her.”

“What?”

“All those books you read, Mara ... I’m sure you’ve come across the idea, by now, that there’s different kinds of love? Well, I think romantic love is important for a marriage, and that wasn’t there.”

“Why?? Why wasn’t it there?!”

Was this what the beginning of a heart attack felt like? Dizziness, short of breath, a pounding heart? If so, Ben expected that he would be meeting his maker sometime soon. He looked over at Paddie, at how confused she seemed, how upset over the harsh-sounding words being exchanged between her daddy and her big sister — and seeing that face steeled Ben’s resolve.

“Romantic love wasn’t there, because ... because I’m gay.”

An extremely long beat of silence, with Mara’s wide eyes and shocked expression the only thing Ben could see. Then, quietly from his side, in Paddie’s tiny voice, 

“What’s gay?”  
  
“Gay is, when a man likes other men, or a woman likes other women, instead of a man liking a woman.”  
  
“And ... _you’re_ gay?”  
  
Ben nodded. His heart was pounding so loud that he felt certain his daughters could hear it, too. Nevertheless, he pressed on.  
  
“So much of this is complicated. Mara, I think you’ll understand some, and Paddie, I hope you will when you’re older. But ... daddy’s been pretending to be someone he’s not, for a long time. And I was depressed for a long time. Er, that means sad, Paddie. Thinking I was failing at being a husband, and a father, because I couldn’t just be ‘normal’ in my head.”  
  
“Is it like ... is it like Peter Pan at school last year, when Tuttle pretended to be a pirate?”  
  
In spite of his nerves, Ben couldn’t help but smile a bit, at that. Paddie was sharper than he gave her credit for, and she was doing her best to take in the information Ben was giving her, and putting it into a context that she could understand.  
  
“Yes,” he said, turning towards her and taking hold of one of her small hands. Squeezing it gently, he explained, “Tuttle was good at pretending to be a pirate, wasn’t he? He was good at it but in the end, he wanted to be a lost boy again, because that was what made him happy.”  
  
“And you weren’t happy pretending with mom,” Mara questioned, soberly.  
  
“Girls, I love your mom. Rey is my best friend, and she always will be. But you’re right, it was pretending. But it’s important you both know something, alright? That you KNOW that I was entirely faithful to your mother during our marriage. I never went with or even looked at anyone else, ever. Neither did she. We didn’t split up because of hate, or because somebody else was in the picture. Okay?”  
  
Both girls nodded, even though Ben wasn’t positive that Paddie knew what he meant by ‘faithful’; and then Mara cleared her throat and said something that shocked Ben to his core.  
  
“Dad ... I’ve kinda known. I mean I made a guess, and my guess was right.”  
  
“Really?”  
  
Mara nodded. “Yeah. And ... I’ve been angry with you, for the longest time. So angry it made my stomach hurt every time I even talked to you on the phone. Because I didn’t like that you would keep something so important from me. Paddie maybe, because she’s young, but me? And then every time I tried to talk to mom about it, or grandma, neither would give me any kind of answers.”  
  
“I never meant to make you feel that way,” Ben said in a low voice, looking at the floor. “My only excuse is that I couldn’t even really talk to MYSELF about this, you know? And if I couldn’t fully confront this part of myself, there’s no way I’d have been able to say this to you, and your sister. But I’ve finally realized; it’s not healthy, in any way, to not be honest with yourself. It makes you miserable and it can make everyone around you miserable, too. That’s what I was slowly doing to your mother, without even meaning to. And it affected our family. And for that, I’m sorry.”  
  
When neither girl answered, Ben went on, his voice choking up with tears, as he said,  
  
“I just ... you both are the center of my soul. I love you more than I love my own life. And I just ... Mara, Padme; I hope one day, you can find it in your hearts, to —“  
  
The arms of the two girls around him was incomparable to anything Ben had ever felt in his life.  
  
He had been dreading this moment for so long, and never in his wildest imaginings did he ever picture being accepted like this. Mara was hugging his shoulders, Paddie his waist, and the circle they made gave Ben an indescribable sense of comfort, of peace.  
  
Of love.

When they broke apart, Ben and Mara both needed tissues, which Ben got up to get them.

“Okay,” he said, as he sat back down. “So I said I had two things to tell you, right? Well that first thing was the harder, but I’m still not sure how you’ll react to the next one ...”

“What is it?”, Mara asked, drying her eyes.  
  
“Okay, so .... I like somebody. Not just any somebody, but ... Hux. I mean, I _really_, like Hux.”  
  
“Well, no shit, dad.”  
  
Ben was too surprised at that to reprimand her language. “Wait ... you knew that?”  
  
Mara nodded, folding her arms in front of her chest. “Well, yeah. You make it a bit obvious sometimes. You’re always looking at him with those eyes.”  
  
“What eyes?”  
  
“Like this,” Paddie jumped in, making her eyes huge and cartoonish, fluttering her eyelashes.

_Geez ... even Paddie noticed? Wait, shit — does that mean HUX noticed, too?_  
  
“Well ... do you both like him? I mean, I know you like him, but would it be okay with you, if I asked him on a date?”  
  
“That depends,” Mara said, a grin on her face.  
  
“On?”  
  
“On what you’re going to wear on the date. Dad, you have absolutely no sense of style or fashion. You dress like a ... like a ...”  
  
“Like a garbage man!”, Paddie exclaimed, giggling.  
  
“Geez, I’m not that bad, kid.”  
  
“No, no, she’s not really wrong. Almost all your clothes have rips or holes in them, your hair is messy, and most of the time you smell like dirt and grass.”  
  
“Oh come on. I thought having holes in your clothes WAS the fashion these days.”  
  
“For people my age, dad. Not an old man like you!”

“Yeah, daddy. You’re like, a hundred. Like a dinosaur.”

“Oh my God, are you kidding me?? I’m only 35!”  
  
“Well, regardless, 35 or 100, you need to dress better. And Hux _always_ looks nice. He dresses nice. So you need to dress nice too.”

“But wait, wait, wait, guys; I haven’t even asked him yet. Honestly I’m not sure that I’m ready to —“

During his talking, Paddie had jumped up and retrieved his cell phone from where he’d left it in the kitchen. “I’ll call him! I’ll call!”

“Wait! Paddie, I —“

“Paddie has the right idea, dad; the longer you wait, the less likely you’ll be to do it. We’ll stay here with you for support, okay? And if it helps, tell him that I’ll be watching Paddie whenever you guys choose to go.”

Ben suddenly reached out and enclosed Mara in his arms. Out of everything he could be happy about at the moment, he was the most ecstatic over his oldest daughter beginning to change back into the sweet girl she’d been, what seemed like so long ago. The lines of communication were finally opened between them, and now that they were, Ben didn’t intend to ever let them close again.

“Okay I pushed it,” Paddie said from behind them, startling Ben. In the interval she’d gone through Ben’s contacts, found Hux, and hit Call. He hurriedly took the phone from her hand, noting that his heart was now pounding once again, although for an entirely different reason.  
  
“Hello?”

_Oh, God ... can I do this???_

“Oh, um, hey, Hux,” Ben started off, trying to keep his voice steady. “It’s Ben. Um, Ben Solo.”

_Fuck ... why did you say your last name? He knows who you are, idiot!_

“Oh, hi Ben. What’s up?”  
  
“Um, um —“ Ben went on, glad that Hux couldn’t see him at that moment. “So this will sound strange, and if you get freaked out by it, I wouldn’t blame you. But, okay ... I wanted to know if you wanted to go out to eat with me?”  
  
There was a pause on the other end, and Ben had a sinking feeling in his stomach. Then Hux asked, timidly,  
  
“Out to eat? You mean, you want me to join you and the girls?”  
  
“Oh, um, no. I meant me, and you. Just us. Like a, um, a -a date.”  
  
Another pause, this one longer than the first. Ben rushed to fill the silence by saying, “Mara is going to babysit. Actually both of them are sitting here right now, watching me, because they didn’t think I’d be brave enough to do this on my own.”  
  
“Skating!”, Paddie shouted from behind, jumping up and down. “Ask him to go skating! Daddy say it!”  
  
Ben grinned and shook his head her, before explaining to Hux, “Paddie insists I should ask you to go skating instead of dinner, but I don’t have any coordination whatsoever, so chances are we’d end up in the ER. So, dinner seems a safe bet. Um, what do you say?”  
  
Suddenly, Hux was laughing; and the sound of it was absolutely amazing.  
  
“Tell Paddie that I cant skate, either. But ... yes, I’d love to go to dinner with you, Ben. When did you have in mind?”  
  
— —

“Okay, so, you know you can call if anything at all goes wrong, alright?”  
  
“I know, dad.”

“Or if you need help, Ms. Phasma is right upstairs, and she’s home tonight, so —“

“Dad, _okay_, I get it,” Mara said, rolling her eyes. “Stop worrying so much. We’ll be fine. Promise.”

“But you know if something WAS wrong, and Ben for some reason didn’t answer his phone, you can call me instead, okay?”, Hux asked her, sounding almost as anxious as Ben. “I saw that Ben has it written on the paper with all the other numbers. So if you need to call, call. Don’t be worried that you’re bothering us or anything.”

It was the next night, and Hux had arrived to pick Ben up, for their dinner date. They were planning on going to a new Italian restaurant that had just opened close to the park, and Ben had been a ball of nerves all day, waiting to go. Now that Hux was actually here (looking rather handsome in an eye-matching blue long-sleeved dress shirt and black slacks), Ben’s nerves centered around another issue: leaving the girls alone for a few hours at night, something he’d never done before.

“Oh my Godddd,” Mara groaned, half-teasing them. “Can you both just leave already? Paddie and I spent a lot of time making dad look presentable, and all of that’s just going to waste with him standing here worrying over nothing.”

And Ben did look good, as well. After a quick shopping trip to the mall, he had gotten some nice slacks, some decent shoes, and a elbow-length sleeved collared shirt, white, as Mara informed him that he wore too many dark colors all the time. He had also shaved for this, leaving his face shining and clean, and his hair was freshly washed, combed and styled, instead of its usual sloppy tangle. He was also wearing his glasses, forgoing his usual contacts, as Paddie told him that “Daddy your glasses make you really smart!”.  
  
“We helped daddy!”, Paddie exclaimed, running up to Hux and tugging excitedly on his hand. “No more garbage man!”  
  
“Garbage man?”, Hux asked, confused.

“Never mind,” Ben said, smiling and shaking his head. “Okay, we’ll go now. Love you both,” he said, kissing each one on top of the head. “Paddie listen to your sister okay?”  
  
“Have fun, you two,” Mara said, also waving them out the door.  
  
“Bring me back cake please!”  
  
“Cake?? Paddie don’t worry about cake, you need to be in bed by the time I get home!”  
  
“I know! It’ll be for tomorrow! Pleeeease?”  
  
“I’ll make sure he brings you back cake,” Hux assured her, grinning. “Mara, is there anything you’d like?”

“You mean besides you both getting out of here? No. Hurry up and leave so me and Paddie can throw our wild party already!”

And with that, Ben and Hux were shoved unceremoniously out the door, with the sound of Paddie giggling (and the door being locked shut) behind them.

“So ... I feel like I have to say it, Ben: congratulations!”, Hux told him, as they started walking down the steps.

“On—?”

“Well, seeing as how we’re about to go on a date, and both your daughters know about it ... you had _your_ moment. Your coming out moment. So congratulations!”

“Oh,” Ben said, blushing just a bit. “Yeah. It was hard; I thought I was going to have a heart attack every single second. But it worked out.”

“I’m glad.”

“Can I ask you something, though?”

“Of course.”

“Well, I know I never came right out and told you about me. But ... did you already know? Or did you guess?”

Hux nodded. “Yeah. You gave off some pretty strong vibes. But I also thought that either YOU didn’t know it yet, or you knew, but couldn’t face it. But you know ... I’m so happy that you did. And I have to say, I’m beyond flattered that you were picked ME for being your first-ever male date.”

Ben grinned, and replied, “I’m beyond flattered that you agreed to it. Not many people wanna date an old, broken down dad.”  
  
“Old? I happen to be 4 years older than you, you know, so watch what you say. But you know what? For being ‘old’, you really DO look nice tonight,” Hux told him, giving Ben a long, appreciative look. And something about that, about being looked at like that _by a **man**_, made Ben feel like doing cartwheels.  
  
“Thank you. You clean up pretty good, too.”  
  
“Thanks!”  
  
“Um, there’s a problem, though.”  
  
“What?”  
  
Looking down, Ben explained, blushing, “I, uh, I haven’t been on a ‘date’ in a LOT of years. Other than the eating, I have no clue what we’re supposed to do.”  
  
Hux laughed and gave Ben a playful shoulder-nudge, setting Ben’s face on fire even more. They’d reached Hux’s car now, and Hux went around to the drivers side, click-opening the doors with the knob on his keys, before replying, “I haven’t been on one in a really long time, either. But ... maybe we can figure it out together?”  
  
He got in, and Ben stood outside the passenger door for a quick moment, unable to take the grin from his face.

_Together? I like the sound of that,_ he thought to himself, tweaking his light-up ring for luck before getting in the car with Hux.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to end this story with a picture. Unfortunately, I’m not an artist. But the picture would be a flash-forward of sorts, (about 3 1/2-4years later) set in the frame of a Polaroid snapshot. The setting is Han and Leia’s house, in the big living room. A large picture window is behind the larger couch, revealing a snowy day outside. Sitting on the couch are Ben and Hux to the left, wearing matching Rudolph sweaters (which are a bit too cutesy for Ben’s taste, but Paddie got it for them as gifts and, as Hux gently chided him, how could they _not_ wear them?). Ben’s left arm is around Hux’s shoulder, his hand squeezing Hux’s upper arm, revealing a shiny gold band on his ring finger (with his red light-up ring resting on the pinkie next to it). Hux’s face is pink with a blush and he has his hand on Ben’s knee (revealing a gold band of his own). Mara, who is home on winter vacation from college (and wearing the school hoodie that she seems to wear all the time these days, much to Ben’s teasing comments about her ‘having lost her sense of style’) and Padme are sitting in the middle, and Padme is making a surprised face, likely due to the small puppy on her lap warming it up with an unexpected liquid. Rey sits to the left of Padme, and next to her, her husband, Finn. His smile is so wide and beautiful that it adds a radiance to the room. Rey’s belly stands out prominently beneath her red dress; she’s glowing at 6 months pregnant. Leia is sitting on the armrest of the couch next to Finn, one arm around his shoulder. Although her facial expression doesn’t show it, inside she’s beaming that the nice young man she met at the town hall activity center a few years ago (and introduced to Rey) is here today; she loves her Rey and is ecstatic that she’s happy once more. Leia’s other hand is gesturing for her husband to “Hurry up and get in the picture before that thing goes off.” Han, having fiddled with the automatic timer on the camera too long, just barely slides into the picture to the right of Leia, all blurred hair and scratchy sweater.
> 
> The caption on the bottom, scrawled in Leia’s neat cursive, simply reads “Christmas with the Family”


End file.
